Afghanistan Journal: The Blue Falcon Lands in Baghram

Meet Soldier X. A few days before deploying to Afghanistan, Soldier X had far too much to drink. To Soldier X’s credit, he had a designated driver, Soldier Y, drive him back to the Fort. Along the way there was a convenience store and Soldier X was short on cigarettes. Soldier X went into the convenience store while Soldier Y went to sleep in the driver’s seat. Here the wherefores conflict, but eventually a Sparta County Deputy Sheriff had to repeatedly ask Soldier X to step out from behind the sales counter of said convenience store. Soldier Y continued to sleep. Soldier X should have spent the night in jail (especially after calling the deputy “Barney”), but the deputy let Soldier X off with a warning. Dejectedly, Soldier X left with his cigarettes, woke up the stalwart Soldier Y, and together they returned to the Fort.

That should have been the end of the story.

Meet Soldier Z. Soldier Z was told about Soldier X’s misadventure. A few days ago, Soldier Z came to Soldier X and told him that his misadventure was shown stateside on the Fox series COPS. On top of that, the Battalion Executive Officer (who is still stateside at the Fort) saw the show and placed a call to Afghanistan. He passed on to Soldier X his complements, and asked Soldier X to call him at his cell phone at his soonest convenience. Soldier X thought that he was in quite a pickle.

Now to reach the United States from Afghanistan, you need to dial a DSN number, use your phone card number, and then dial the number you are trying to reach. Unfortunately, the DSN lines get rather clogged with calls stateside. Soldier X began dialing at 9 am, but didn’t get through until noon. Noon in Afghanistan is about 2:30 am in the Fort. Bleary eyed, the Battalion Executive Officer told Soldier X that, no, he never placed a call to him; although he expressed some curiosity to what “little incident” Soldier X was blathering about. Fortune smiled upon Soldier X and the line went dead before Soldier X had any opportunity to go into details. Soldier X realized that Soldier Z tricked him.

Ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a Blue Falcon Incident.

Soldier X must exact vengeance upon Soldier Z. Still, there are some jus en bello codes that Soldier X must follow. For one thing, his revenge cannot in any shape or form involve the spouse or children of Soldier Z. That would be just plain uncool. Secondly, in this unit there is also “The Highlander Clause” meaning that Soldier Z is safe on holy ground. Face it, when you’re in a war zone, nobody wants to be on the chaplain's bad side.

Perhaps Soldier Z may find himself locked into one of the Port-a-Potties. Perhaps soldier Z will accidentally be placed on a flight to Iraq rather than home. It could happen soon or it could happen a long time from now. Soldier X has over 12 months to decide when the time is appropriate. Besides, Soldier X is enjoying watching Soldier Z squirm.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Dave Biggins
Perhaps Soldier Z may find himself locked into one of the Port-a-Potties. Perhaps soldier Z will accidentally be placed on a flight to Iraq rather than home. It could happen soon or it could happen a long time from now. Soldier X has over 12 months to decide when the time is appropriate. Besides, Soldier X is enjoying watching Soldier Z squirm.

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Makes me wonder why Soldier Z ever did it, but I guess there are a few things a 'mere civilian' like me can never understand. ;)

Dave, any idea where the name "Blue Falcon Incident" originates?
Might be another quite intriguing story. :D

Reminds me of a MASH episode, in which Hawkeye knew that B.J. was going to play some horrific practical joke on him, so was paranoid to the point of sleeping in a cot surrounded by barbed wire by the end of the episode. B.J. told Father Mulcahy that sometimes the best joke is the one that never comes. Don't let him off the hook. Keep him squirming.:D

And here I thought BF and Dyno-Mutt were doing the USO :(

Pray Dave, why is it called Blue Falcon?

Oh and let him squirm good. But besure to make it look like you are always ready to get him :)

"Blue Falcon" is a euphamism for a nastier noun with the same initials: "Buddy F-". Now for the record, let me state that I was not Soldier X, Y, or Z. I just so happened to be sharing dinner with them in the chow hall.

Lancer: I can't figure it out either. I would like to think that I would have covered my tracks alot better. I guess his little brain came up with a plan and he took the initiative.

T: Oi! Be very careful with those MASH references. You see, the closest MASH character to my job was Colonel Flagg. My buddies like to bust my chops over that one. Usually I just roll my eyes or play along. "That shouldn't bother you gentlemen so long as you are...patriots. And we all are...patriots...aren't we, gentlemen?"

Aslan: No, I haven't heard anything of the Ice-capades coming to Afghanistan (which would be a sight). Remember: so long as there are Bronze medalists in ice skating at the Olympics, there will always be the Ice-capades. Anyway, I hope that the information above has not ruined your cartoon viewing. I mean, its not like you will snarf a drink when you see that cartoon character crying out, "BLUE FALCON!"

"I'm Dave Biggins, CIA. Actually, I'm with CID, but I tell people I'm CIA so they'll think I'm DIA."

Why Sarge, you're sounding like an OSI agent ;)

In all reality, you'll find that most folks in my field don't take ourselves that seriously. I remember getting a visit from a CI agent doing a routine background check on one of my troops. He sport jacket didn't fit and he was wearing army issued low quarters. Maybe it's just my memory playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn the kid's voice would crack now and then.

When he showed me his badge and credentials, I said, "Sure, come on in Specialist."

"Um, that's 'special agent'."

"Of course you are."

Anyway he asked me the standard questions and I answered them (offering him coffee and snacks in the process). He missed a few, but I quizzed him on them later. All and all, he was a good kid...just a little wet behind the ears. Probably a very junior agent sent on a milk run for a little confidnce building...

Ah, we were all there.