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Next on my schedule was a good ol' Lord of the Rings game. I had played in a game last year in which the party was comprised completely of hobbits and was an absolute blast (except for that one loud guy at the table, but that's another story). I was very much looking forward to another journey in Middle Earth. I had no idea that I was about to play "The Worst Game Ever." I use capital letters because I believe that this should be the definitive "Worst Game Ever" to which all other bad games should be compared. Yeah, it was that bad. I'll choose my words carefully, so that you might experience my pain without having to physically endure it.
Again, the GM is late. Not as late as the first game, but still a good ten minutes late. When he does arrive, he ignores our table for a bit and apologizes profusely to the table next to us, for there is a full group of people waiting to play in a Star Trek game that his company is responsible for and will have no GM at all. When he eventually gets over to our table, he asks if any of us have brought our own characters. Nobody did. The GM is not pleased at this. He only has one copy of some sample PCs that he begrudgingly allows us to use. It is at this time that I would like to cite part of the official game description:
"Bring your own Middle-Earth Campaign Setting character to play, or use any of the available pre-made characters."
Now, why is this part of the description if they intend for us to bring our own PCs? Oh well, the GM begrudgingly gives us each a pre-made character to play, but says, "Do not write on these. I'll be needing them back. Please don't smudge them." (I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt with the word "please." I do not recall if that word was actually used or not.) So I look over the character that I am handed. At the top of the sheet is written "Dwarven Weaponsmith." He does not have a name. The GM goes around the table asking everyone to name their characters. Nice touch, I thought. Nice touch, until he tells one of the players that their suggested name wasn't "elvish" enough for their elf character. He then told the player a new name to use.
Yes, folks, he was one of those guys. He was a self-proclaimed Tolkein-ista. I prefer the term Tolkein-nazi. As the adventure went along, he repeatedly (and proudly) pointed out things within the adventure that were inconsistent with the LotR books or the Silmarillion. (He claims to read them all three times every year.) He also took every opportunity to remind us that the books were FAR superior to the movies, and seemed insulted that one of the players at the table had " never even read the books."
At the start of the adventure, our travelling party came upon two groups of non-friendlies fighting over the rights to a large steer that had been slain. I suggested to the group that we leave them to settle the difference between themselves, since it is none of our business. The GM informs me otherwise, however. He says something to the effect of "You're a dwarf...you're not fond of either of these groups and would want to get involved." I relentingly agree. (I should've walked away from the game at this point.)
So the game goes on...and on...and on. And even then it goes on a little more, complete with more references to the superiority of the books to the movies. Anytime there is something that needs to be "learned" in the game, one of the elf PCs "figures it out" because "you're an elf...you would know that." Yes, this DM was an elf fan-boy...big time. Elves can do just about anything. There was even a time when a group of wandering elves wandered past the group singing a dirge, and the entire party had to roll Will saves to resist their charms and follow them...forever. When asked about what would happen if our whole group failed, he said something like, "The adventure would be over." Only two PCs saved, by the way...I'll leave it to you to figure out if they were elves or not.
Towards the end of the game (finally), the camel's back was broken. The final straw followed the only funny moment of the game. The party had discovered, in the distance, a man beaten, bruised, and restrained to a pole with ropes. The hobbit, being played by a 10 year old boy, sneaks over, away from the party, to the disheveled man. The man is inches from death, and pleads to the young hobbit to just put him out of his misery. The kid thinks about it for a bit and then utters the words, "Ok. I'll give him his mercy killing. I'll stab him in the face." The table erupts with laughter. It was kinda funny. But then, remember that final straw I was talking about? Yeah, here it comes...
The GM tells the boy that the hobbit would probably have a very hard time killing this man. That it is something his people are not used to doing. I mentioned that I thought we should try to save the man. The GM then says to me, "No, you wouldn't want to save him. You're a dwarf. He's just a man."
It was at that point that I pretty much tuned out the rest of the game. I'm not exactly sure what we were doing but the end result was that we flooded a valley, killing a bunch of bad guys...or something like that. I just rolled dice when asked, periodically looking at the clock. Yes, that's right, the game not only was bad, but LOOOOOONNNNNNG. When it was finally over, the GM asked if anybody would like to stick around for part three. (Apparently, it was part two of three.) I gave my answer by leaving my sheet (not smudged or written on, by the way) and just walking away from the table...not saying a word. The dealer hall beckoned.
And thus, my "Worst Game Ever" event was over...and there was MUCH rejoicing. (YAY!)
