Breaking Newsflash!! (Spoof)
Taken from "The All Seeing Eye"...Mordor's newspaper
Terrorist Raid on Moria -- 26 dead, 8 wounded, Balrog feared abducted.
In a terrifying raid last night, 26 innocent orcs were slain in what Lord Sauron condemns as a “cowardly and unprovoked attack”.
Details are sketchy, but the evidently dwarf-led force of five terrorists, using four children as a living shield, entered via a previously unknown entrance and disturbed the ‘Death of the Dwarven Infidels’ exhibit in the upper halls. When challenged by Moria law enforcement officials the terrorists embarked on a frenzy of death and destruction, cutting down any who happened near and resisting all lawful attempts to restrain them.
FAMOUS MUSICIAN KILLED
Among the victims of the massacre is Gung Dolak, known throughout the lower halls as the famous ‘Drummer of the Deep’.
Gung rose to stardom in his early days with Def Oliphaunt before striking out on a widely successful solo career, topping the charts in recent years with such hits as Shoot that Poison Arrow, Rock n Troll Music and Kazad-Doom, which he performed in concert shortly before the attack. His passing has sent shockwaves throughout the orc musical community and he will be sadly missed.
BALROG ABDUCTED
The Balrog, that gentle giant of the deep caverns, is missing believed abducted after the terrifying attack. “He was just like our mascot” sobbed Nak Jukkul, one of the wounded. “Who could possibly do something like that?” The Balrog, a familiar face to most orcs in the halls of Moria, has lived a sheltered existence in the caverns all his life and there are grave fears for him being taken into the outside world.
RESCUE MISSION UNDERWAY
At time of printing, an expeditionary force is being briefed to follow the terrorists’ escape route in the direction of the elves’ accursed forest. The highly trained special horde not only aims to recover the Balrog, but also to drive the elves from their network of forests and gather evidence as to who is behind the attack.
"This rescue mission is the first salvo of a major offensive against the dwarf-led forces"
Lord Sauron said in his 'State of the Dark Shadow' speech in the Black Tower. “We will not give in to fear. We will not stand idly by as victims of those who envy our way of life. We will show mercy neither to dwarf terrorists nor the elves who harbour them, and we will not rest until we rid the world of these ‘Axes of Evil’”.
