"If it's not Class M, the helmet stays on."
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"If it's not Class M, the helmet stays on."
Last night we started an new MERP game. We were playing wet behind the ears, never been out of our village characters.
Late at night, we were lying in wait for a wolf that had been killing sheep. We were begining to doze off when my female character spots the wolf. She stands up and yells "Wolf. There's the f***ing wolf!"
Now one of the players interjects, "You can't say the f-word. This is Tolkein. You should say 'By my beard.' " And extreme laughter ensues. :D
Of course if 'beard' doesn't mean the same to those of you not in the UK, then it won't be half as funny.
Well, so pray, tell us what beard means in the UK! By all means, do tell us! :D
This just happened in the game I ran on Friday:
New crewmember, upon meeting the irascable Klingon tactical officer (makes renown check), "Oh, I heard of your father. I hear he slept around."
Klingon tac officer: "WHAT... did you say?!"
New crewmember: "Uh... when his quarters were being renovated. He had to sleep elsewhere. You know, had a hammock up in the torpedo room for a while there."
It's a slang term for a woman's pubic hair.Quote:
Originally posted by Calcoran
Well, so pray, tell us what beard means in the UK! By all means, do tell us! :D
This one happened years ago, and still comes up in games...
another spoken by securityQuote:
I tap it with this ten foot pole.
same characterQuote:
They may have come quietly, now we will never know.
Quote:
Large Orion Thug "Do you know this man?"
PC "Of course, I was just talking to him inside...did I just say that outloud?
Quote:
Originally posted by Greg Smith
It's a slang term for a woman's pubic hair.
Gee... I don't want to know what "mustache wax" means in the UK.
LOL :DQuote:
Originally posted by calguard66
Gee... I don't want to know what "mustache wax" means in the UK.
OUCH!!
A D&D one...
The characters are in the Desert of Desolation and find an oracle that will answer any three questions truthfully. The thief, a halfling named Norf, approaches.
Norf: Will we succeed in our quest?
Oracle: Yes
[pause. debating what else to ask]
Norf: How many questions do I have left?
Oracle: One
Norf: What was the first question I asked?
Oracle: "Will we succeed in our quest?"
There was also Trek moment when a player had a case of brain lock and for the life of her, couldn't remember the name of the character she had been playing for the last several months... "This is Lieutenant... Uh...."
Just like Homer and the Jiffy Mart guru..."Thank you and come again sometime.":DQuote:
Originally posted by Dan Stack
A D&D one...
The characters are in the Desert of Desolation and find an oracle that will answer any three questions truthfully. The thief, a halfling named Norf, approaches.
Norf: Will we succeed in our quest?
Oracle: Yes
[pause. debating what else to ask]
Norf: How many questions do I have left?
Oracle: One
Norf: What was the first question I asked?
Oracle: "Will we succeed in our quest?"
That one occured in a SW game some years ago :
My character was hacking into a computer in some building, and triggered an alarm as I rolled my usual critical failure. I started to run toward the door, while some Storm Troopers rushed toward me. The other players, who were waiting around the building ready to help, called on my communicator :
"Don't look back... you're being followed!" :D
Last night's D&D game:
Red (my character): The enemy are lying in wait down the corridor to the right.
Bogo (Half-orc barbarian) charges off: I'll get them!
Red: The other right...
The party are trying to enter the facility in disguise. The guard leader is talking to them: What did you say your names were?
Quagmire (party spokesman using false names): Levek, Marten and er... Bob...
Ok had one last night.
I'm Running AD&D 2nd, my pc's are investigating the strange goings on in a neighboing town. They happened upon a meeting of a cult called "The Elect" in a town square. Their leader was giving a sermon which made promises in only vague terms. The some in the crowd seemed to be under the effects of a charm spell (Determined through the use of detect magic and such)
Durring the sermon the Ranger/Mage in the party casts "Audible Clamour" on the Leader to try and break the spell. Due to the casters level the spell duration lasts for 39Rounds (Minutes) and was as loud as 56 Men or 2 roaring dragons.
The sound choosen was a Fart.
"The Power of Brrrrrrp compels you"
"Join us and recieve the the Brrrrrp of the True Masters" :D
Then PC Cleric proclaimed in a loud voice, "Smells like someone cast Stinking Cloud" and waves his hand in front of his face.:D
Karg
And another one from the game on Wednesday:
Bogo (barbarian): A manticore? I run out and surround it!
Okay, both are from a character i play in a WFRP game. Thorvak is a typical dumb and young dwarven giant slayer.
(Warning, the first one is only funny in it's original french version. And even at that, it made my group laugh.. but i'm not sure it would make others fall off their chairs.)
So there we are in ancient dwarven stronghold(tm) and most of the party is resting. We've had a fight during the night and the entire party has agreed to sleep a few more hours to be well rested and recovered. Everyone but me. See, Thorvak is beginning to find this ancient-artifact-recovering quest(tm) very boring. Since he's the guide, he wants to get this over with so the other members of the party can return the favor and help him with a teeny itsy dragon. So with about 4 hours of sleep left, he rises up, starts making a lot of noise while shooting. "Up everyone, late dwarf gets no treasure." Which in french is way funnier because it like rhymes and looks like a real proverb or what not. "Nain qui se leve tard, n'amasse pas de tresor."
Anyways. :)
This other time, we're trying to cross a bridge manned by Chaos warriors. Up till then, we've managed to get by every encouter by fast talking and stealth. Leaving me and my buddy Elven Wardancer quite useless. So, we talk to the party and tell them that we've learned their ways and if they let use be useful, we'll go talk to the warriors and try to work something up.
Now you see, the Wardancer has this tendency to always be the first to announce he's gonna hit something when fight starts. It's been a constant in this party for likle 6 months. So, every player expects the encounter to go has follows:
- Giant slayer talks to the warriors.
- Giant slayer pisses them off.
- Wardancer attacks.
Here's what happened.
Giant slayer "Hey there, chaos warrior thingys! We need to go through. There's two way we can go about this. The hard way and the.. screw that, there's only the hard way. Charge!!"
Everyone's mouth fell about 3 feet. And the first thing that was said at the table after about 15 secs of silence:
Wardancer's player: "Huh. I think i've been had."
And here's something that surely happened in everyone's game at least once.
Players "Does it still move?"
GM: "Yeah. a bit."
Players "We hit it. Does it still move now?"
GM "Nope, it's quite dead."
Players: "We hit it some more, just to be sure."
This one's a corker from many years ago. In a Star Wars game, one of the players couldn't get his gun to work (he was a little gun crazy so someone put his guns safety on). He finally managed to shoot a hole in the wall as a pair of Stormtroopers walked by. Anyway the guy gets put on trial for destroying imperial property. We're expecting something good as far as a defense goes. His defence was this (exactly, I've never forgot it).
"I couldn't have shot a hole in that wall. I haven't used that gun since I shot the Imperial governor with it."
Suffice to say, there wasn't much done for at least 10 minutes after that one. One of the players wound up on the floor on his back in hysterics.
Well, let's just resurrect this fine thread. I've got a pretty funny one from the game I narrated recently. Well, at least we were all amused.:D
Setting: the morning after our intrepid cadets have attended a... "dinner" at the Magna Roman embassy (we all know what those Magna Roman dinners are like...). The other cadets, finally awake, are checking on the Trill cadet who went more than a little overboard.
Pol: "Are Trill supposed to turn that color?"
Helena: "Only when they're dead..."
H'rall: "Good thing she's not joined; the symbiont would probably sue for separate maintenance..."
-Chris Landmark
A character gets caught infiltrating an Imperial site in Star wars. His weapons is taken, they search him and miss his other weapon. He response: "You want the other gun, too?"
I've always liked this little player stand by, "Things couldn't possibly get any worse." ;)
For the life of me, I cannot remember who had posted the punchline to a thread that was up about four years ago, but it was so funny...and it just so happened that I was able to use it in a FASA episode. (Cannot wait to get a complete second edition FASA Star Trek RPG with all contents at a gaming store I haphazzardly walked into.)
Anyhoo...the scenario.
My crew was aboard the USS Candor, a Remora class scout. We had just taken on a Klingon Bird of Prey (we dispensed with the FASA designation for their scout class..and referred to it as a B'rel). In the exchange, they had managed to disable our ship, and completely render life support useless. Surrender was NOT an option...so the DM allowed us to attempt to board and commandeer the Bird of Prey. We figured there were about 20 of us left, and less than a dozen Klingons on board the ship...we had em outnumbered, easily. (Since our sensors were damaged as far as life signs, we had no idea what we were getting into.) So, we prepped with type II phasers, and succeeded in beaming over to the Bird of Prey. To our surprise, there was NO resistance. Hmmm...most suspect.
Well, as we scoured the ship, we found 12 Klingon bodies. As it turns out, somehow in the exchange, we had managed to kill off the entire Klingon crew.
So, here went the dialogue:
ME: Mr. Argyyl, let's get the hell out of here before their friends discover what's happened.
ARGYYL: (tries a few controls...mutters) This would be so much easier if I knew Imperial thl'ngan!
Well...that got a good snicker from the group...but it gets better.
ME: Mr. Argyyl?
ARGYYL: Umm....sir, if I am reading this correctly, we have no Warp Power.
ME: Damn! What about Impulse Power?
ARGYYL: (checks the controls again...mutters) All the Alpha Quadrant powers can speak Galactic Standard...and yet NONE OF THEM knows how to write it! (slams controls in frustration)
Again...a few more snickers, and one of our players had the snarfs. But it gets better still....
The Chief Engineer of our crew and the CMO check out the bodies with the tricorders, on the off hope that perhaps one of these Klingon Bastiches was still salvagable, and could help us out. No luck!
ME: Mr. Argyyl? Where is my Impulse Power?!
ARGYYL: I cannot seem to get the Impulse fired up either, Captain.
ME: SON OF A----(bad word)!
O'KAHR (Engineer) Captain, if I am reading what appears to be the engineering board correctly...the primary and secondary propulsion systems appear to be inoperative.
(Now here was the moment of inspiration..and I wish I could remember the member's name that had submitted the post those years ago, so I could thank him for making my crew's night one of raucous laughter.)
ME: (serious as a heartattack) Engage Tertiary propulsion system!
The crew look at each other with puzzled faces, and then turn to look back at me.
ME: You KNOW?!! (Flapping my arms madly...trying to take flight!)
At that point....we had to stop for about 15 minutes to catch our breaths. Snarfs galore. In fact, one of our members almost choked on a Dorito. (He ended up speaking rather hoarsely for the rest of the session.)
Comedically,
General Chang:D
I have been once the narrator to a Group on a Miranda class starship!
First I will begin with the crew
Mongolian Chief of Security
A Captain from Turkey
A Scotty like Chief Engineer
As the first adventure begans:
Com Off: Captain please come to brigde Adm ........ is hailing
but what is the captain doing?
Puts on his Boxer short with Starfleet emblem and his Shirt with the turkey flag on it
But this was not the end
At the end of debriefing the captain starts selling Starfleet Boxer-shorts to the Admiral!
This wasn't really so much of a quote as it was a funny occurence in the Starship Combat Simulator from FASA.
My friend, Rob, and I were playing a game of Klingon vs. Romulan. We had a third person (Rodney) to serve as Gamemaster. The battle had went on for like an hour and a half...and a good deal of that time was spent in cloak. Rodney kept track of our movements as we presented our plots. We could see a look of intrigue on Rodney's face as we presented our next course plots.
A few moments later, when we presented the next course plot, he was rolling around laughing on the floor. When we asked him what was so funny, he said he would not tell us until the game had reached its conclusion.
True to form, he waited until the battle was over. I actually lost this one.....darnit. Then, we asked him what was so funny. He pointed to a location on the map, where we actually had a planet counter placed. He then made a motion with his hands, as if two starships had passed right by each other, not even realizing the other was there.
We imagined what it might have been like for the crews of our ships. Somehow, there would be a flaw in both of our cloaks on the opposing port/starboard sides of the ships, each revealing a window. And in those windows, a crewman could see the enemy trooper in the other ship...and would either wave...or ran frantically to his captain shouting: "THEY'RE OVER THERE!"
Respectfully,
General Chang
A few episodes ago I confronted my crew with a semi-typical "Lava creature", which was actually a walking history bank on the lost civilization of the planet. Well, maybe I've run too many horror games, but here's how the scene played out. (Remember, Starfleet protocol is not to fire first.
Me: *describes Lava creature*
Captain: "Gah phasers on 12! Fire!"
*crew responds and fires, some set their phasers to 13 "just to me sure.*
Me: 0_0
Captain: "Did we hit it?"
I think explaining to them they they brought half the cave they were in down upon them got the message across not to hack their way through problems in the furute. ;)