Inspired from a thread several years ago...
For the life of me, I cannot remember who had posted the punchline to a thread that was up about four years ago, but it was so funny...and it just so happened that I was able to use it in a FASA episode. (Cannot wait to get a complete second edition FASA Star Trek RPG with all contents at a gaming store I haphazzardly walked into.)
Anyhoo...the scenario.
My crew was aboard the USS Candor, a Remora class scout. We had just taken on a Klingon Bird of Prey (we dispensed with the FASA designation for their scout class..and referred to it as a B'rel). In the exchange, they had managed to disable our ship, and completely render life support useless. Surrender was NOT an option...so the DM allowed us to attempt to board and commandeer the Bird of Prey. We figured there were about 20 of us left, and less than a dozen Klingons on board the ship...we had em outnumbered, easily. (Since our sensors were damaged as far as life signs, we had no idea what we were getting into.) So, we prepped with type II phasers, and succeeded in beaming over to the Bird of Prey. To our surprise, there was NO resistance. Hmmm...most suspect.
Well, as we scoured the ship, we found 12 Klingon bodies. As it turns out, somehow in the exchange, we had managed to kill off the entire Klingon crew.
So, here went the dialogue:
ME: Mr. Argyyl, let's get the hell out of here before their friends discover what's happened.
ARGYYL: (tries a few controls...mutters) This would be so much easier if I knew Imperial thl'ngan!
Well...that got a good snicker from the group...but it gets better.
ME: Mr. Argyyl?
ARGYYL: Umm....sir, if I am reading this correctly, we have no Warp Power.
ME: Damn! What about Impulse Power?
ARGYYL: (checks the controls again...mutters) All the Alpha Quadrant powers can speak Galactic Standard...and yet NONE OF THEM knows how to write it! (slams controls in frustration)
Again...a few more snickers, and one of our players had the snarfs. But it gets better still....
The Chief Engineer of our crew and the CMO check out the bodies with the tricorders, on the off hope that perhaps one of these Klingon Bastiches was still salvagable, and could help us out. No luck!
ME: Mr. Argyyl? Where is my Impulse Power?!
ARGYYL: I cannot seem to get the Impulse fired up either, Captain.
ME: SON OF A----(bad word)!
O'KAHR (Engineer) Captain, if I am reading what appears to be the engineering board correctly...the primary and secondary propulsion systems appear to be inoperative.
(Now here was the moment of inspiration..and I wish I could remember the member's name that had submitted the post those years ago, so I could thank him for making my crew's night one of raucous laughter.)
ME: (serious as a heartattack) Engage Tertiary propulsion system!
The crew look at each other with puzzled faces, and then turn to look back at me.
ME: You KNOW?!! (Flapping my arms madly...trying to take flight!)
At that point....we had to stop for about 15 minutes to catch our breaths. Snarfs galore. In fact, one of our members almost choked on a Dorito. (He ended up speaking rather hoarsely for the rest of the session.)
Comedically,
General Chang:D