Star Trek Jokes - a much-needed mood lightener...

[Captain Leana Craig]

For the DS9 jokes

Jake Sisko writes a book about the dangers of changing a lightbulb on a Cardassian station, and it is about to becomes a bestseller, but Weoun buys them all because it speaks badly about the Dominion, (breath)

I know its sad, but hey thats life.

[Cmdr Powers]

How many Romulan's does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change the bulb and one to assassinate the first guy and claim credit!

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"The best diplomat I know is a fully charged phaser bank" -Montgomery Scott

[Cochrane]

Those light bulb jokes are very funny. but what about Sulu? How about Chapel and Rand? Yar? Pulaski? Ro? Jadzia?

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Games... The... Final Product. These... are the books... of the Star... Trek RPG. Their five... year license. To explore... strange... new roles. To breathe... new... life into get... togethers. To bold... ly play what no... fan... has played... be... fore!

[C5]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Cochrane:
Which was it that had a crush on Spock, Chapel or Rand?
</font>

Chapel had - Rand might have had one on Kirk, and maybe it was not entirely one-way (lots of guesses here).

[C5]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Caretaker:
Don't get me wrong, seasons four through seven had their good moments and episodes, but... you'll have to see and judge for yourself.</font>

Yeah... when those b*stards at the only channel airing ST will put it back on screen... they said they would when they finish DS9 and that'll be beginning of 2002 (it's a tough life, being a ST fan in France).

Back on the topic : How do they change light bulb?
The Intendant (Mirror Kira) : She leisurely orders someone to do it, then have him (or her) torture to death - and you don't want to know what she does with the old bulb

Jadzia Dax : She teases Worf into doing it (who of course finds this unworthy of a warrior), then casually announces that one of her former hosts was an expert in light-bulb changing, while mocking Worf's clumsy efforts.

Alexander : After breaking 20 other light bulbs in the effort, he's sent away by Martok who has to do the job himself.

Kes : Uses some forgotten Ocampa powers wich were used long ago to change light bulbs.


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"I perfectly understand your concerns, Captain, and will quietly stay in my quarters until your life threatening problem is solved, without bothering you with the importance of my mission"
UFP VIP to Enterprise Captain, alternate timeline #0348

[Howlin' Mad Mark]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by C5:
Back on the topic : How do they change light bulb?

The Intendant (Mirror Kira) : She leisurely orders someone to do it, then have him (or her) torture to death - and you don't want to know what she does with the old bulb

</font>

I want to know.....

Yes, I am a sick puppy!!!!

[REG]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Cmdr Powers:
How many Romulan's does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change the bulb and one to assassinate the first guy and claim credit!

</font>

I like this one better.



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Anyhoo, just some random thoughts...

[Karg]

How many Deltans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2, but they have to be real tiny

How many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb?

1 and 100 to self destruct the ship in disgrace

How many Federation citizens does it take to change a light bulb?

1 But it must want to change first

How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?

10,000 to annex the planet and 1 to run the slave gang

How many Q does it take to change a light bulb?

Change it into What?

Karg

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All these worlds are yours, except Europa, which is a wholy owned subsidary of weownthattoo, Inc. (TM)

[This message has been edited by Karg (edited 09-27-2001).]

[Greg Smith]

How many Cardassians does it take to change a light bulb?

Four, because there are FOUR LIGHTS!!



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Greg

"Calm may work for Locutus of Borg here, but I'm freaked and intend to stay that way."
Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Prophecy Girl.

[Klingermann]

Voyager crew changing a light bulb:
(A CG pan shot of Voyager flying through empty space. The shot is then transitioned (after a brief Captain's Log by Janeway regarding the graveness of the blown light situation) to the ready room where Janeway, Torres, Paris, Tuvok, and Chakotay are disscussing it.)

Janeway: How long will it take to change the bulb Belanna?

Torres: 2 weeks captain. Several power relays were fused and there was a major breech in the socket's containment field when the light blew out.

Janeway: I need it done in 2.2 seconds, understood?

Torres: (shrugs) Aye, captain!

Paris: Y'know I am somewhat of a buff when it comes to the old 20th century lightbulbs. I studied Edison and bulbs of General Electric make quite extensively back in my youth and I might be able to help.

Janeway: Sounds good Tom, you're in.

Chakotay: Captain, are you sure you want to risk our best pilot and engineer on something as foolish as one light bulb? Are you positive you're not just trying to make up for getting us lost in this quadrant? On the reservation, the old shaman used to tell a story..

Tuvok: (interupting) I must concur with Chakotay captain. What you are doing is highly illogical and..

Janeway: (Glaring) CAN IT, BOTH OF YOU!

(The console in the ready room beeps and a black, empty screen appears, replacing the normally black, empty screen. Suddenly the snooty voice of the doctor is heard and everyone realizes it's from sickbay.)

EMH: Doctor to Janeway.. When do you plan to have the light bulb back online!? I can't see what I am doing and if I can't see what I'm doing then I can't accomplish my vastly superior work! I need, no, I DEMAND an explanation for what is going on here!

(Suddenly the lights return in sickbay)

EMH: (Pauses and looks around) Well captain, that was quicker than I expected.

Janeway: (Looks around and sees that an astonished Paris and Torres and are still sitting in the room)

Janeway: (Looking to Tuvok) Tuvok, you're with me. Everyone else fan out across all decks until we find out who just turned the lights back on..

(Later, It is discovered that Seven of Nine used an adapted version of her omnipotent nanoprobes to repair the light, light socket, and all the relays. On top of this, she boosted the light's lumen output by 40% and managed somehow to make the ship transwarp capable.

The rest of the main cast is not shocked at all by this development seeing as it's 40 millionth time it's happened but are a bit preterbed to relize that their meeting as well as it's dialouge was not actually filmed as the camera soley followed Seven around the entire episode.)


Anyway, it's not short but there's my joke funny or not.

[This message has been edited by Klingermann (edited 09-27-2001).]

[Jabara Eris]

Klingermann, are you sure you didn't used to write for Voyager? Either that, or you've watched the reruns too many times, because you've got their schtick down good! That was a good one!

[Robbert Raets]

http://startrek.about.com/blklingoncounselor.htm

'Advantages of having a Klingon counselor'

[Zortic]

There are plenty of humorous Star Trek references at www.zortic.com Start from the beginning.

[C5]

A great site devoted to ST humor :

http://www.geocities.com/~darsplace/...ult/humor.html