Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 16 to 21 of 21

Thread: Joke Contest

  1. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    San Diego, CA, USA
    Posts
    134

    Post

    Another one.

    A chemical engineer, an electronics engineer and a Microsoft engineer were all heading to a convention in a rented car. On the way there, the car broke down. The three tried to figure out what happened.

    The chemical engineer said "I think it's something in the fuel line, we should check that out."

    The electronics engineer said "I think it's something in the wireing. We should check those out."

    The Microsoft engineer said "Maybe we should close all the windows, get out of the car, get back in, open all the windows again, and see if the car works then."

    Chris.

    (And another quickie for you: It seems Microsoft has come up with a new operating system that combines the attributes of Windows CE, Windows Me, and Windows NT. It will, of course, be called Windows CEMeNT -- "Hard as a rock, Dumb as a brick.")


    ------------------
    God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

  2. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 1999
    Location
    Austin, TX, USA
    Posts
    156

    Exclamation

    Unfortunately, my favorite joke isn't an anecdote, it's just a sign seen briefly on the wall in a Simpsons episode. The event was sponsored by Reader's Digest (or the non-trademark-infringing equivalent) and the sign said:

    "Brevity is wit." - William Shakespeare

    I nearly wet myself. I've since made it my credo

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2000
    Location
    Jacksonville, Arkansas, USA
    Posts
    1,880

    Post

    How many counsellors does it take to change a light panel?
    One, but the light panel has to really want to change.

    How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
    One.

    Ba-dum, ching.


    ------------------

    <<<<

    LUGTrek isn't really dead. Not as long as we remember it.

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Golden, CO, USA
    Posts
    59

    Post

    Ok, ok, I know this is a bit vulgar, but here goes.

    A guy walks into a bar (as usual) carrying a small, 12-inch tall man sitting at a piano. He sits down at the bar, putting the small man and piano on the bar. The bartender asks him "What's that thing?"

    "Well, I saved the life of a gypsy, and she granted me one wish," the man replied.

    "Why'd you wish for that?" the bartender asked, indicating the small man.

    "Well, apparently the gypsy has hearing problems," the man said. "Needless to say, I DIDN'T ask for a foot-long pianist."

    ------------------
    Tony Fanchi
    Milhouse "Remember when you killed my fish, and then you told me I never had a fish. Then why'd I have the bowl, Bart? Why'd I have the bowl?"

  5. #20
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Golden, CO, USA
    Posts
    59

    Post

    Got another.

    Three guys go to hell, and there Satan decides to give them one last chance at redemption.

    "You can ask me for one thing. If I cannot do it, you will go to heaven," Satan said.

    The first guy said, "Give me all the houses in the world." Satan did, and the guy stayed in hell.

    The second guy said, "Give me all the trees in the world." Satan did, and the second guy stayed in hell.

    The third guy pondered it for some time, and during which time he farted. Then he got an idea. "Catch that in a bag and paint it green."

    The third guy went to heaven.

  6. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2000
    Location
    Colorado Springs, CO USA
    Posts
    1,352

    Post

    A Bajoran was walking down the street and passed a friend he hadn't seen in years. He asked his friend where he had been all this time, and this is the story he heard:

    I was driving my aircar when it broke down. Of in the distance I saw a monestary. I walked to the monestary and asked to stay for the night. The Vedics showed me all around the temple: the chaple, the gardens, and the meditation rooms. Finally we came back to the main courtyard. There was one simple wooden door I hadn't seen opened. I asked the head Vedic what was behind the door, and he replied:"I can't tell you, your're not a Vedic."

    So I lay awake all night wondering what could be behind the door. I left the next day, but I still wondered. A week later I came back and told the Vedic that I had to become a Vedic, it was killing me to find out what was behind the door.

    I spend a year purifying myself and meditating on the Prophets. I spent another year memorizing the tenents and texts of our faith. I spent another year learning to perform the rituals and ceremonies. I spent a fourth year working as an assistant to a Vedic in a temple. Finally, they told me I was ready to become a Vedic.

    After the ceremony, I asked the head Vedic if I could now find out what was behind the door. He said: "Now you're a Vedic, so you can look." He handed me a key... I poened the door, only to find an iron door behind it. HE handed me an iron key, and I opened it to find a bronze door. The head Vedic handed me a bronze key and I opened that one. I opened copper, silver, gold, tritanium and adamatine doors after that. Finally there was another wooden door. The head Vedic said to me: "Congradulations, this is the last door." He handed me the last key, and I opened the last door.

    His friend said:"So? So? What was behind the door?"

    The new Vedic replied:"I can't tell you, you're not a Vedic."

    ------------------
    "I'd rather die standing than live on my knees..."
    Shania Twain

    [This message has been edited by calguard66 (edited 02-07-2001).]

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •