Queeg Gets New Job

[tonyg]

Accept it. Every "urban legend" you can imagine has actually happened. I' ve spoken to fellow techs it's actually happned to. Faxing by holding the paper to the monitor, "my cup holder", mouse used a foot pedal, all of it. It's true.

Well, there goes my hope for the human race.


I have noticved that a lot of the time is isn't that people are actually stupid. Just that the amount of attention they pay towards something si directly related to how important it is to them. If they consider something trivial, they won't pay much attention, screw it all up, and not be patient enough to lisen to the answer.

I have a rep as a computer guru. In my opinion, I'm no expert. I just read the instructions, and see what happens when I press buttons. About 2/3rd's of computer problems can be solved that way. At times, thinking might be required.

[Tobian]

Part of that is from the singular issue of computers being badly designed and confusing in their language, for no solid reason..

Take for example - a crash on a Mac "It's not your fault, but the computer has crashed, please reset the machine" and the PC "you have performed an illegal operation *followed by a string of giberish, in hex*"....

Now to me it's obvious that I haven't committed a crime, just the PC has crashed, to someone who doesn't understand this...

You shouldn't be so hard on non-technical people... if you actually read what is written on the screen, instead of filtering it through your jargon-translator, it is gibberish, badly written and poorly explained, oh and don't get me started on BSOD, with that incredibly important hash number... which you get 0.0002 seconds to write down, then turns out to be a non specific error !

There are also the logical traps, "Would you not like me to not reset the computer" type double negative inverse options, which make your brain hurt because one option gives you presents, and one leads to certain death

[tonyg]

Except it isn't just computers. You can run into the same sort of idoitcy in all walks of life.

[C5]

It's true that computers can be quite confusing, but I also get the impression that people aren't ready to be as patient with them as they are with other pieces of technology (maybe because they're more recent or more complex).

And franky, you don't need to use a gibberish-decoder to know how to turn on a computer... nor do you need any special ability to avoid behaving when calling tech support as if the computer was extremely faulty and the tech online a putative nerd (when you missed the button with the "ON" label).

[Tobian]

Oh people will do anything to avoid admitting they might have done something stupid, which makes them look even more stupid!

We had this one old guy at our place who had an issue with his print drivers, for some reason windows would loose the settings when he turned them off... so he never EVER turned them off, and didn't have a screensaver... yes, there was serious screen burn! It was also a huge pain to get him to reboot, like "I am having a problem..." "have you tried rebooting" "yes...." - so you go in, reboot, and the problem goes away, so he was basically lying

[tonyg]

Oh, I agree that tech support can be as bad as the customers too.

Just last night, I was chatting with Gateway about my LCD TV/monitor (I've been having backlighting problems with it) for a half a hour (about 5 minutes of tech support of 25 minutes of please hold). After all that, he gives me a phone number to call. The same number than is in the owners manaul along with the tech support website.

I get the feeling that when I call the number, they will refer me back to the website.

[Doug Burke]

Just last night, I was chatting with Gateway about my LCD TV/monitor (I've been having backlighting problems with it) for a half a hour (about 5 minutes of tech support of 25 minutes of please hold). After all that, he gives me a phone number to call. The same number than is in the owners manaul along with the tech support website.

I get the feeling that when I call the number, they will refer me back to the website.

That doesn't surprise me. I used to work for the company that does their T/S and their policies are pretty stupid at times...

[Doug Burke]

Oh my god! I just got a call that sooooo illustrates my point about enduser stupidity...

I work for a computer manufacturer and just got a call where the customer tells me "I just changed my password on MySpace and now it won't let me login. Can you help me?"

::blink, blink::

Um... No?

::rolls eyes::

Hah! 20!

Sorry. I'll go back to work, now...

[tonyg]

That doesn't surprise me. I used to work for the company that does their T/S and their policies are pretty stupid at times...

Tell me about it. First it put me into an indefinite loop for the logon/ user information page. Then it shot me to the upgrade chat, where a salesman pounced on me faster than starving vampire. When he found out I already bought something, he sent me over to the technical support chat (what I wanted in the first place). There it was type something, then wait 5-10 minutes for each response.

One odd thing is that I had to use Internet Explorer to get the tech support chat to work, but the sales/upgrade chat (with the same interface) worked just fine with Firefox.

Within a hour Gateway managed to successfully convince me to believe all the bad stuff I've read about their technical support. It's like they don't understand that poor support results in fewer repeat customers.

At this point I'm tempted to save my money and just replace the four electronic capacitors that research suggests are the cause of the problem.

[Chris Landmark]

Here is a simple flowchart for your new technical support job.

[Liquidator Queeg]

Hey folks,

Thanks for the warnings and suggestions and funny stories! I'm in my last week of "training" now, and I start on the phones next week on the graveyard shift. Hopefully, the call volume will be slow so I can learn to use my damn software and database tools (we have to use 8 programs, always a minimum of 4 on every call, plus navigate our support server database) while taking calls at the same time. I know, blah blah whine whine to you old-hands at this! However, we just got logins yesterday! Yes, our 12th day of 15 days training and we finally get to login to all our tools. *insert foul language here*

I was hoping to get to be the resident "Mac" guy, and have all those calls transferred to me, since I use a Mac at home. However, there are at least 6 other folks who've done Mac support before in my class of 20 tech support agents, so no special status for me. Yes, it's a very "tech-geek" class. Drats!

Off to a great start.

[tonyg]

Queeg,

I case you get some tough calls...

Tech Support Excuse Generator
http://www.strauss.za.com/sla/support.html

[Liquidator Queeg]

Hey folks,

Job update. Been doing the tech support thing for almost three months now. I can't believe how stupid some people are. Suffice it to say I've had enough of this job!

Which brings me to my life altering news.

My boss from my previous employer called me this morning. The company has merged with another company based in England and the new "group" of bosses want to hire me back with a promotion and increased salary. The company will also be paying all expenses for me to fly to England for a week to become familiar with the merging-partner company's products and manufacturing processes. Furthermore, since I live roughly an hour and a half drive from Toronto (where my old employer is based) they'll be boosting my previous travel allowance for me to get to work until my wife and I are able to move back to Toronto and get settled.

Yowzas!

Basically, I get to do my old job (with some new supervisory responsibilities) with increased pay and a paid trip to jolly old England for a week. Sweet!!!

It's a great day to be me. Tonight I'll be calling in sick (to tech support hell job) and celebrating with family and friends! Tomorrow I walk into tech support hell job all hungover and tell them to shove it! Double sweet!!!

Cheers!

[redwood973]

Congratz, but I would give a little warning about burning bridges you may wish you had down the road.

Bridge burning sould only be done in instances of calling in rich because you've one the lotto.

[Liquidator Queeg]

Thanks!

Yeah, I know. I'm exaggerating a little 'cause I'm all excited. I'll tell Tech Support Hell to shove it in the nicest way I know how. In other words, "thanks for the opportunity but I'm outta here for greener pastures!"