Let's write the worst Series V episode synopsis possible! I'll start.
Captain Archer(TM) and the [b]USS Enterprise[/i](TM) are thrown back in time, when...
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Predict the Worst Series V Episode (group writing!)
Let's write the worst Series V episode synopsis possible! I'll start.
Captain Archer(TM) and the [b]USS Enterprise[/i](TM) are thrown back in time, when...
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A holodeck malfunction occurs forcing the characters to act out the generic fantasies!!
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The Borg Queen appears, cackling like an individual and a madwoman, when Michael Sullivan from Fair Haven beams aboard and destroys the Queen. T'Pol discovered telekinetic abilities, travels off so as not to destroy the ship, but returns three years later on a quest to destroy the Enterprise...
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How about any that Michael Berman and company write for the show?
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"Cry havoc! And let slip the dogs of war..."
-Chang (ST VI)
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YEAH, BABY, YEAH!!!!!<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Treefrog:
How about any that Michael Berman and company write for the show?
</font>
But isn't the no-talent hack named Braga?
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Why not just say the whole series in general. You really think they are going to come up with anything new and original?? Come on!
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From Paramount's standpoint, the worst episode would contain character development, especially among the humans present
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To continue the worst episode: T'pal has returned after three years on a quest to destroy the Enterprise, for no apparent reason. Doctor Phlox stops her by developing a devolution virus, which turns her into a housecat and Archer into a Chimp.
This devolution virus also uses DNA from the Psi-2000 virus, which is hard because that virus hasn't been discovered yet, but we make very clear in the dialogue that it DOES.
As a result, the chimp and the housecat lose their inhibitions and have sex. With everyone on the ship disabled but Dr. Phlox, he is able to caputre T'pal, and calm her down, after which he issues the antidote to the virus.
The crew return to human(oid) form.
Now, it turns out that Archer has obtained telepathic powers from having sex with T'pal, and that T'pal is pregnant. T'pal's baby comes after only one commercial break, and then grows very quickly. Being half- chimpanzee and half-housecat, he is very strange looking.
By the end of the episode, he is fully grown, in only a couple of days, ship-time. He asks the crew lots of strange questions about human nature, and then turns into an energy being, flying off into space.
Eventually he reaches the Delta Quadrant, and, in a clear case of new canon, founds the Kazon race.
How'z that for bad?
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Slan agat!
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Not that there's anything wrong per se with Jeri Ryan in a skintight catsuit and five-inch heels ...<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by ComaBoy:
From Paramount's standpoint, the worst episode would contain character development, especially among the humans present
... but Paramount's idea of 'character development' was just that.
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In the next thrilling episode,
a. Captain Archer
b. T'Pal
c. Dr. Phlox
d. The ship's cat
... encounters ...
a. a multiphasic quantum slipstream node
b. a strange virus
c. a warlike race
d. a colony where only the children are left alive
e. a planet where absolutely nothing is wrong
... and the crew ...
a. begins to behave erratically
b. is taken prisoner
c. start to age/devolve/grow shorter/grow younger
d. meet an Admiral Janeway from the future who starts issuing orders and pulling rank
e. waits for something to happen
... until Captain Archer discovers ...
a. it's all an illusion
b. there's a way to escape, after all
c. an antidote described in ancient texts
d. the writers have painted him into a corner AGAIN.
e. that there really IS nothing wrong here
... and ...
a. the crew preaches Truth, Justice, and the American Way, enlightening yet another inferior culture
b. the aliens beat the snot out of Archer and the series ends early, sparing disillusioned fans six years of hoping it'll get better next season
c. WWF's "The Rock" makes a cameo appearance as the alien commander, not that you can recognize him under the ton of facial prosthetics.
d. a tiny detail is left unresolved so Berman/Braga/Piller/Taylor can misconstrue it in a later episode.
e. the ship moves on to its next thrilling destination
Take your pick.
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Isn't it T'Pol? T'Pal is her favorite Pokemon. That or a pointy eared version of PBS's Arthur's dog.
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... Doctor Phlox develops a deevolution virus which spreads to the rest of the crew. Captain Archer becomes a chimpanzee, Subcommander T'Pol becomes a housecat...
There's Rick Berman, but who's Michael Berman?
Well anyway, I'm still looking forward to the show. I really think Bakula's character will turn out well. I think changes to canon are justifiable by interference by Braxton. I do have some problems with it though. I think Dr. Phlox should be nonhumanoid, because each series needs someone completely different from anyone who's gone before. And why do they keep using the same old ethnicities? were entire cultures wiped out by the Eugenics Wars and WWIII? Why not have Brazillians, Inuit, Maori, Spaniards, Germans, Polish, and Australian Aboriginies. Why always so many Americans?
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The Trekkie Formerly Known As Surak, AKA The Coch, Humble Creator of the Bwuutut and Mensaeans, Aba and Zwickau, and the Perseus Federation, Guy Who Still Hasn't Actually Played The Game, And Who Finally Decided To Use A Signature.
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Sorry about that, I did mean Rick Berman. I do think that the series in general will be the worst of all time, and its hard to say that concerning that Voyager is by far the worst one of all. The only upcoming Trek event in the near future that I am even remotely looking forward to will be Star Trek X, even though I am having extreme trepidation concerning the rumors of Data's death. I am most likely going to see it because I have a little tradition that I have: ever since Star Trek V came out, I have seen every single Star Trek film on opening day, and I don't want to break it.<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Cochrane:
[B
There's Rick Berman, but who's Michael Berman?
[/B]</font>
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"Cry havoc! And let slip the dogs of war..."
-Chang (ST VI)
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What's Hot, What's Not
IN: Starships capable of Warp 13+ (old style)
OUT: Starships with quantum slipstream drives
IN: Old-style captains who flaunt the rules.
OUT: Modern captains who preach about old-style captains flaunting the rules, then go on to flaunt the rules just as much.
IN: Plain old deflector shields.
OUT: Shield modulation, nutation, vibration and all that jazz.
IN: Klingons and Romulans
OUT: Nice Klingons and Romulans
;D
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And in the last moments the ship vanishes right up it's own arse.
Rapidly followed by the series and the entire franchise.
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"I hate all monkeys, Me.
From Chimpan-a to Chimpan-zee"
Troy McClure, The Simpsons.
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