Fangels Law

[StyroFoam Man]

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[Robert Lai]

I can attest that variants of #13 and #15 hold true in the broadcast news industry.

#13 Never say, "Gosh, it's quiet today," or any similar phrase bemoaning the lack of news. These are the moments often followed by major natural disasters, terrorist incidents, and/or newsworthy people dying suddenly and unexpectedly.

#15 If you ignore the retiring technician who tells you that a key part needs to be replaced, it will fail the moment that technician is retired. The part must then be backordered, and the system that relies on that part will be offline for six weeks, incurring costs far beyond what it would have cost to replace the part as originally suggested.

Bob

[Calcoran]

I thoughs those were Murpy's...
All right, so here is my go at IS's laws .

1: Always Blame The Hardware First. While The Hardware Department Is Busy Covering Their Asses, Fix The Real Problem.

2: Always Blame Out Of Spec Product On The Test Equipment. While The Quality People Check Their Equipment, Fix The Real Problem.

3: Real Administrators Learn Lots Of Meaningless Technical Jargon. No One Is Going To Argue With You If You Confuse Them With Big Words.

> 4: Always Check Your Mokons. If You Use
> Mokons, Most Of Your Problems Start There.

What the heck is that ?!?

5: If You Have To Increase RAM By More Than 200 MB, THE RAM IS NOT THE PROBLEM!!

6: Do Not Alter More Than One Parameter At A Time Even If You Take Notes.

7: If You Find A Solution To A Problem, WRITE IT DOWN TWICE!

8: Always Blame Downtime On Things Beyond Your (and the Client's) Control.

9: No Matter How You Try, You CAN NOT Process Around An Angry User. Never. (Alternatively, A Broken Hard Drive works too)

10: Always Take The Time To Investigate Odd Noises. This Will Save A Lot Of Downtime. (Works in IS too )

11: Don’t Bother Yelling At The Machine. It’s Not Listening To You, And It Would Not Obey You If It Was. But If You Feel Better After A Good Yelling At The Machine, Go Ahead By All Means!

12: DO NOT LAUGH AT THE MACHINE! The Machine Will Take Offense And Cause Downtime. (Damn right it will!)

13: NEVER EVER SAY “The System Is Running Good,” Or Any Variation Of That Phrase! It Will Immediately Begin To Malfunction, Often Catastrophically.

14: NEVER EVER SAY “I’m going on break.” The System Will Begin To Malfunction.

15: NEVER EVER SAY: “We’re out of spare parts.” The Hardware Will Break Down Within Moments Of Uttering This Phrase.

16: If All Else Fails, Give The Machine A Good Solid WHACK. (Either with a hammer, fist or foot…). No, NOT with the hammer! Prefer the fist: it will hurt and you will calm down at once!

You can tell I had a way too loooooooong training period as system admin . Thanks god my actual job has nothing to do with it .

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Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms)

[spyone]

Some Tech support rules I learned back when Tech Support meant the guy who seems to know what he's doing:

Just because what he describes the machine as doing is impossable and you know it, does not mean it did not do that to him.

You will often be unable to duplicate the error you are investigating, due to the simple fact that you know it can't have happened in the first place.

You CAN bargain with the machine. Think creatively, and offer it something you think it wants for good behavior. Always follow through on your promise.


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You're a Starfleet Officer. "Weird" is part of the job.

[This message has been edited by spyone (edited 06-18-2001).]

[StyroFoam Man]

This message has been removed on request by the
poster

[Hugh Casey]

<Fire On The Mountin, Run Boy Run! The Devils In The House Of The Rising Sun... Chicken In The Breadpan Picking Out Dough. Granny Does Your Dog Bite? No Child, No!>

So THAT'S what the hell he's singing! I've never been able to figgur out the main chorus! THANKS!

Hugh




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"Sell your soul to the Philadelphia Science Fiction Society... ASK ME HOW!"

[Owen E Oulton]

"I thoughs those were Murpy's...

There are only three genuine "Murphy's Laws."

<center>Murphy's Three Laws of Physics</center>
1: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
2: Anything that has gone wrong will get worse.
3: If 1: and 2: have already happened, <font color="red">panic</font>.

Myself, I prefer Arthur C. Clarke's...

<center>Clarke's Laws of Physics</center>
1: When an elderly, but distinguished, scientist states that something is possible, he is very probably correct.
2: When an elderly, but distinguished, scientist states that something is impossible, he is very probably incorrect.
3: Any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic.

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[Eric R.]

I( add one more

17.) When as a Packer in the plastic industry on break never ever stop and look at the engineers and operators as they try to figure the problem out with the machine they get very teste and tend to fire people!

18.) When the big shots from Sony TV come all the way from Japan for a visit and the Packing crew are standing Idle because the Machine is down and the floor has a golden shine with Boxes stacked to the roof they will tend to be fired, as the Engineers and operators do not like there failures to be rubbed in.

19.) When as a packer in the plastic industry never sip out of a can of Moutain Dew or any other drink while on break and while looking at the Engineers and operators trying to fix the machines problem it too tends to get you fired.

20.) Finally if you are a packer in tyhe plastic Industry and the Machine breaks down, punch in and leave as your fate is sealed.

Trust me this happen to me.

[Robert Lai]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by StyroFoam Man:
[BThe cheapest, lowest quality Closed-Loop Mold-Heating/Cooling Pump that you can buy. Hence, EVERY cheap-ass Pointy-Haired Operations Manager in the USA has bought them for their plants[/B]</font>

This is also valid in the broadcast industry. Manufacturers including Sony and Panasonic machine their VTRs to such tolerances that only their tape will work. Other brands of tape result in lower-quality output and may also damage the record head.

One of the technicians pointed this out, even referring to a Sony technical memo that gave the tolerances for tape ... but a manager looking to 'save money on the tape budget' committed to purchasing another brand of tape. They later expressed confusion as to why we were experiencing a high incidence of record head failures.

And yet, we did it again, purchasing another brand of tape to use on our Panasonic machines, with similar quality issues.

Of course, the best one was the manager who came down and observed, "You guys are recording too many feeds." (In response to machines used almost 23 hours a day to record ongoing national and international tape feeds.)

Bob

[Paul]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Owen E Oulton:
"I thoughs those were Murpy's...

There are only three genuine "Murphy's Laws."

1: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
2: Anything that has gone wrong will get worse.
3: If 1: and 2: have already happened, <font color="red">panic</font>.</font>

Then there is the oft-lampooned O'Reilly's Law:

"Murphy was an optimist."

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"...and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters Where God went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Who is this God Person Anyway?"
- The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams (dec.)

[This message has been edited by Paul (edited 06-18-2001).]

[StyroFoam Man]

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