You're surrounded by killer Smurfs...

[Thanatos]

Now now, if you're going to start assimilating anime the only worthy assimilatable specimens would be the Samurai Pizza Cats.

[Marcus Kavart]

Another Saturday morning toon!! How about the Gummy Bears or even the Care Bears??

------------------
Lt Marcus Kavart
Late USS Vengence

[Desslok]

Smurfs...

*SIGH*

Sits down in command chair...

On my ship: Andromeda II

"Wave Motion Energy at 75% and building! Target to scope open!"

The Smurf homeworld appears in my gunsights, and I lower my welders goggles...

And I'll be home in time for Corn Pops...



------------------
"This battlestation is now the ultimate power in...who's hailing us? I don't care who these 'Borg' are, THEY CAN WAIT!!!"
Admiral Motti, now Eighth Of Eight

[Desslok]

This reminds me of my college days...

Commanding the Imperial Klingon Battlecruiser "Smurfslayer"

D7C Class Command Cruiser for you Star Fleet Battles players...


------------------
"This battlestation is now the ultimate power in...who's hailing us? I don't care who these 'Borg' are, THEY CAN WAIT!!!"
Admiral Motti, now Eighth Of Eight

[lone wolf]

How the heck did I forget the show with the second most kick-a** opening title song (just after Monkey)

[lone wolf]

"How the heck did I forget the show with the second most kick-a** opening title song (just after Monkey)"

Due to a minor mistake when I clicked on Submit Reply instead of to show my new Signature I will now continue what I was saying...

The Samurai Pizza Cats. I don't know about assimilating the main characters but I'd assimilate General Catton just because of his name.

------------------
Kid Mama-san, what do they call that thing they shoot the cats out of?
Mama-san I'm not sure, but I think they call it a catapult.
Kid Boy, I'm glad I didn't have to say that line...

Samurai Pizza Cats

[Thia]

Originally posted by Gabriel
OK, everyone. You're trapped on a planet of killer Smurfs (sounds like an episode of Voyager doesn't it?). No, not Smurves; Smurfs is the correct plural form. Anyway, there are these hordes of bloodthirsty Smurfs around you. What starfleet captain would you most want by your side?

Kirk = For his ability to mindlessly kick tail and seduce Smurfette threby causing Papa Smurf to surrender.

Picard = For his ability to surrender, bore all the Smurfs into a stupor, and to relate with Papa Smurf on some kind of old leader geezer level thereby earning your freedom.

Sisco = For the abilities of being able to order the Bajoran Gods to take all the Smurfs to never never land and to order Worf to go assasinate Papa Smurf.

Janeway = For her miraculous ability to rewrite the script, ignore canon, and kick all the Smurfs tails despite the fact that there is no possible reasonable way that she could.

OR

A bunch of redshirts = For their ability to appease the killer Smurfs with their pointless deaths while you make your escape.

Yes. I'm tired and bored.


------------------
Gabriel Alexander Vampyre

And what would Archer do? Get captured and keep them busy interrogating/beating him while you make your escape?

[Perrryyy]

I gotta go with Dan G.

Blue borg with funny hats running around assimilating me.

LOL

Too much.

[C5]

Yeah, but... wouldn't the Borg's language change after assimilating the Smurfs ?

"We are the Borgs. Smurf your shields and surrender unsmurfitionnally. You smurfical and smurfical distinctivnesses will be smurfed to our own. You smurf will adapt to service us. Your smurf, as it has been, is over. From now on, you will smurf the Collective. Resistance is smurfile!!"

(okay, I hope they speak like that in the english version too otherwise my joke is utterly wasted )

And yeah, why Picard has this reputation of surrendering the ship every time (apart from because of being French ) ?
I think Picard would just have a long talk with Papa Smurf, while Riker is seducing the Smurfette, then manage to convert him to Federation principles and leave the planet with no troubles.

Of course, if it is during TNG's first season, then Picard is just gruffy with everyone while his crew gets slaughtered by the Smurfs, until Wesley isolate Gargamelium and manages to blast of all Smurfs in time.

As for Archer, I agree he would become badly beaten up by the Smurfs, while T'Pol looks into the detailed Vulcan archives (that were kept away from Humans) about Smurfs, and finds a way to escape them. Afterward, contact with the Smurfs proves dangerous enough to order a ship wide decontamination shover (hey, I like ENT, that doesn't mean I can't make fun about it).

Other random thoughts :
- Sisko disguising himself in a Smurf to prove Papa Smurf has been replaced by a Changeling
- Kirk having the Enterprise phaser shoot on < how do you call the salad the Smurfs like to eat ??? > to force them to surrender, then reorganising their society according the Federation laws (or the Constitution of the USA if we're in The Omega Glory )
- Two words : Mirror Smurfs

Okay, I'll stop here... but was that a funny thread.

[Capt.Hunter]

Simply dress some Bolians in floppy white hats and send 'em in to fool the Smurfs into thinking they've been shrunk. Head games - work every Smurfing time!

[StyroFoam Man]

This message has been removed on request by the
poster

[Thia]

Originally posted by StyroFoam Man
Why oh why was this thread brought to light again?!

Like you've got any room to complain, what with your postings on coffee and styropolls?

Anyways, is very funny I think, and the last posting was so long ago many ppl here probably never got to read it in the first place.

[Liz Not Beth]

This message has been removed on request by the
poster

[JALU3]

OMG! I haven't laughed this much in ages. If it didn't take to much time to print up, I would do it.

But hmm. . .

Mirror Smurfs?
A Lesbian Smurfet with no other female Smurfets to 'play' with. Now where's the fun in that?
That self-absorbed smurf being the only obvious strait smurf?
Brainy Smurf being dumb as a doornail.
Hmm . . . Mirror Smurfs, a bunch of minature enviroment destroying, greedy, non-mushroom living, non-pot growing (come on people look at their houses, please!), hollagens find a way to normal smurfville. There they find the dam, full of gems . . . no more regular Smurfs.

Or how about this . . .
A Smurf, of unspecified name, becomes the first Smurf in Starfleet. Low and behold, he finds that the American's with Disabilities Still exist in some form or another. (I actually support this law, but it's easy to poke fun at) I can see it now. Starfleet Acadamy having to build special doors for him. In order for him not to get stepped on a computer controlled antigrav warning becon hovers above him. A special smurf size running track is built for him underneath a bush. Rat extermination increases ten folds, as it is found that rats prefer to eat smurfs (incident reported by the Federation News Service). Upon this being published, a bunch of SF Hippies demonstrate outside the gates of the Acadamy protesting in support of the lives of the rats.

Or what if the smurf was made into a vorta? Smurf Wayoun?

[Robbert Raets]

Aaargh! Stop thinking about this, Jalu!!