Ha hahahah! I love these!
Here's one from the other night:
The crew are on a small ship, Berlin-class, crew of 12, commanded by a lieutenant. They were doing a routine patrol, and bumped into a Jem'Hadar ship. Through some lousy rolls and plot devices, they were high-tailing it in no time, damaged.
"Captain, they're gaining on us." said the pilot.
"Captain, there's a nebula nearby, if we hopped inside, we could likely lose them in the interference." said the non-com science guy.
"Captain, our shields are down to whatever-percent-it-was." said the Tactical officer.
The poor lieutenant, who'd never really seen much more than pirate scuffles up to this point, said, "Make for the nebula, best speed, and the next thing anyone says better be good news, or I'll be really grumpy."
More rolls, the ship got hammered again, and they were iffy on making it into the neblua.
The engineer, with a really big grin, "Captain, we're going to lose warp containment if this keeps up."
Everyone stared at him, and the Captain/Lieutenant said, "I asked for good news."
The engineer, without missing a beat, "They're so close, they'd blow up, too."
The Doc
So you think, 'Might as well,
Dance a Tango to Hell,
at least I'll have Tangoed at all.'
-- "Rent," Jonathan Larson