Book Store Ettiquette....

[Capt Daniel Hunter]

Originally posted by Michael Barratt


I couldn't help it. I said, "Thanks. That means a lot to me. My boyfriend and I have been looking into adoption, but it's tough for gay couples."

Now that's funny. I would love to have seen the look on her face.

[Michael Barratt]

"The Source," She sez, looking annoyed.

I look at her. "You'd like a book called 'The Source?'" (I always do this. If someone says, "Cooking." I say, "You'd like to see some cookbooks?" I figure, unless we're playing word association, you at least owe me a complete phrase.)

SHe nods, as if to say, "Duh." (This nearly always happens in response to that habit, but I get a little tingle at making them confirm that they do indeed want a book that matches whatever single or double word they've sniped my way).

I say, helpfully, "There are quite a few books called "The Source." Did you want the New Age title, the fiction novel, the history book..?"

She stares at me like I'm on low-grade crack. "I just want the Source."

"Do you know who wrote it?" I ask, still in helpful mode.

"Nobody wrote it." She stops talking.

I wait. "Do you know what it's about?" I'm about ready to rip out my hair (and there's not much of it left).

"It's not about anything. It's just a book." She thinks, hard, "It has words in it."

There was the death cry of a thousand brilliant comebacks being sucked into the vacuum of restraint.

My co-worker leaps to the rescue: "What do you need the book for?"

She sighs, "I just want the Source! It's a book with words in it!"

*ding* goes the little bell in my head.

"Do you mean a Thesaurus?"

Worst part? When She got to the cash, she said, "Oh, hey, it's written in latin on the cover..."

The Doc

[Captain Blake]

Originally posted by Cessna


Wasn't that a Monty Python skit...?

- - -

Yeah, I worked in a bookstore myself. I never ceased to be amazed by people who would ask for a book - but who did not remember the author, title, or subject. "It was blue, and had a picture on the cover."

Good thing we sort our books by color, sir...

If the woman hadn't been so irate, I'd have thought it was a joke. Sometimes, I think my life is a Monty Python skit.

And, she admitted that she had had the bird about 6 months. So, even if she had bought it from us, it was outside the return policy window.

____

I had a customer bring in a handful of dogfood once.

Customer: "Sparky will only eat this type of food."

Me: "Do you have any idea what brand it is?"

C: "No, we threw out the bag when we put the food in a tupperwear container. We didn't want the food to go bad."

Me, taking the handful of food while nodding: "Hmmm."

So, this person wants me to figure out a particular brand of dog food, based on the color, shape and smell of 10 pieces.

Me: "What kind of problems does Sparky have with his digestion? Can we substitute something else?"

C: "No, we tried everything, this was the only thing that he can keep down."

Me: "Any idea what the meat might have been?"

C: "I don't know. He can't even eat lamb and rice."

Me: "Hmmm. Just a second."

So I went back to the warehouse, banged my head against the wall a couple of time. As I did so, I noticed a bag of Pro Plan brand food that had been broken. Same triangle shape. Wrong color, and smell (yes, I smelled the food). But, that was a good starting point.

I went out to the customer, said, "I think I have your answer." and opened a small bag of the Turkey and Barley flavor. Nearly the same color, and the same smell.

They bought a big bag. Sparky lived happily ever after. And, I had another set of customers that only came into the store when I was on duty. Sigh.

Alex

[Karg]

Originally posted by Michael Barratt


I couldn't help it. I said, "Thanks. That means a lot to me. My boyfriend and I have been looking into adoption, but it's tough for gay couples."

My god, I swear she nearly fell down.

The Doc

Dam thats funny

When i worked at the local Waldbaums supermarket, Before i became an engineer and didn't have to deal with the public any more, i used to get people all the time asking me where things are.

Usually not a problem, but alot of times they would have no civility at all and just say things like Cereal?, Bread?, Rice?, Ect... And expect an answer.

One day I finally had enough when some one cameto me and said, "Honey?"

I came back with "Excuse me,we dont know each other. I don't think we should be on such a familiar basis yet"

Karg

[Cessna]

I think every bookstore has its own set of "regulars." The really funny part is that each bookstore has the SAME regulars. Every store, for example, has:

1. The Exceptionally Stinky Homeless guy.
2. The Obsessive/Compulsive lady with the white gloves.
3. The "Reader," the guy who reads War and Peace without buying it.
4. The "Loser." (In our case it was the boyfriend of one of the clerks. He was perpetually unemployed, so he would sit and read at our store while she worked - sometimes for an entire shift...)
5. "Diane Chambers," a la "Cheers." The pretentous grad student majoring in Poetry at the local college. Often works as a clerk at the store.
6. The Couple with the Piercings. Yeah, you've seen 'em... (Can also be the Couple with the Tattoos...)
7. The Oprah Swarm. The housewives who have to order every book Oprah endorses.
8. "Special Orders don't Upset Us." The guy who orders books and never buys them. These are always you will never be able to sell otherwise...
9. "What is Wrong with That Guy?" The guy who buys the disturbing books. We had a guy order and then buy 15 copies of a book entitled "Dealing with Irritable Bowel Syndrome." What the hell...?
10. "The Dreary Goths." Okay, people. It's past closing time. Buy your damn "Siouxie and the Banshees" magazine already and leave...

Anyone got any others?

[Michael Barratt]

Originally posted by Cessna
1. The Exceptionally Stinky Homeless guy.
2. The Obsessive/Compulsive lady with the white gloves.
3. The "Reader," the guy who reads War and Peace without buying it.
4. The "Loser." (In our case it was the boyfriend of one of the clerks. He was perpetually unemployed, so he would sit and read at our store while she worked - sometimes for an entire shift...)
5. "Diane Chambers," a la "Cheers." The pretentous grad student majoring in Poetry at the local college. Often works as a clerk at the store.
6. The Couple with the Piercings. Yeah, you've seen 'em... (Can also be the Couple with the Tattoos...)
7. The Oprah Swarm. The housewives who have to order every book Oprah endorses.
8. "Special Orders don't Upset Us." The guy who orders books and never buys them. These are always you will never be able to sell otherwise...
9. "What is Wrong with That Guy?" The guy who buys the disturbing books. We had a guy order and then buy 15 copies of a book entitled "Dealing with Irritable Bowel Syndrome." What the hell...?
10. "The Dreary Goths." Okay, people. It's past closing time. Buy your damn "Siouxie and the Banshees" magazine already and leave...

LOL! Oh my God! It's true!

You did, however, forget:

11. "The Psycho." Okay, sir, I'm happy that you've explained the reason those people on the Titanic had to die, but put the knife down (true story).
12. "The Uber-Man." No, sir, I have no more than these thirty books on bodybuilding, and yes, sir, I realize our sports section is smaller than our fiction section. And please stop flirting with the female staff, your bicep size ceased to impress them once you opened your mouth and ruined your je-ne-sais-pas.
13. "Wal-Mart Braggart." You got the book we don't have yet at Wal-Mart? Drat. And we were so looking forward to seeing your annoying pimply buttface here soon. Buh-bye.
14. "The Babysitting Club." Uh, ma'am - you can't park your kids in the kid-book section and then go leave to shop in the mall. It's sort of a whole lot like abandoment in the eyes of the law, and trust me, I'll call security.
15. "The Haggler." We are not in a bazaar, I can't give you an extra discount, please go away.

The Doc.

[Robert Lai]

To be fair, the only problem I ever had at a bookstore (a Barnes & Noble) was in tracking down a book that was possibly out of print (The Secret Languages of Ireland, R.A. MacAllister) ... the person at the counter simply checked his computer, said they didn't have it, and would not even crack the cover of BOOKS IN PRINT because, 'it's not in our computer.'

====

On the other hand, I worked at a museum/planetarium while in college, and can relate this exchange. To set the scene, I'm working in the box office window next to the planetarium. Signs designed to attract patrons are immediately next door and all information is posted on a sign above the window.


Man: Is this the planetarium box office?
Me : Yes, Sir, it is.
Man: You get tickets for the planetarium here?
Me : Yes, Sir.
Man: And the shows are at <rattles off times by looking at sign>?
Me : Yes, Sir.
Man: That's <quotes price off sign> for adults?
Me : Yes, Sir.
Man: ... and <quotes another price> for kids?
Me : Yes, Sir.
<man walks off without purchasing tickets>
<uproarious laughter from co-workers who have been watching from the sidelines>

Bob

[Cdr Scot II]

In my mis-spent youth I also worked in a bookstore for a few years, and I can happily identify with all the archetypes described above (though you forgot the ever-amusing 'perennial shop-lifter' and 'arrogant minor local celebrity' categories ).

However, the store I worked in was owner-managed, and as anyone who has worked for a small (20 staff in this case) owner-managed operation can tell you, the behaviour of the owner is usually much more interesting or frustrating than that of the customers. This guy was a pompous, tight-fisted old wind-bag - a big fan of good food, fine wines and the minimum wage. But he was not smart, and that's where the fun usually came in .

Best story: A friend was at the cash register, which was in a opening between two sections of the shop. The owner, who was lurking behind him on the shop floor with his beady eye alert for larceny, saw my friend take money from the register and apparently drop it over the other side of the counter, out of his sight.

Owner races over, all righteous rage. "Finian!" he demands, in a plummy Anglicised voice, "why are you dropping my money on the floor!" He rounds the corner of the counter and stops dead.

A dwarf (as in clinical condition, not fantasy bearded guy) is standing behind the counter, holding his book and his change, looking very unimpressed. The short gentleman does not wait for an apology but instead turns on his heel and stomps to the door in high dudgeon.

Only, the doors in this old-fashioned shop are big wood-and-glass affairs, and the poor chap finds it needs a good heave to get open.

Not a problem! The Owner, hovering in a fug of unaccustomed chagrin, sees his problem and spots a way to make amends. "Let me get that for you sir!" he cries, and yanks the door open.

Now the dwarf is really unimpressed, and lets rip at Owner in a big way before leaving.

Ten years ago, and it still creases me up when I think about it .

[Cessna]

Originally posted by Robert Lai
and would not even crack the cover of BOOKS IN PRINT because, 'it's not in our computer.'

That was probably because the computer terminal already has access to the on-line "Books in Print" database. "Books in print" on-line is updated frequently and is much more useful than the book-format "Books in Print" - which comes out annually...

[Ineti]

One of the "regulars" types you missed was the horde of pre-teens fawning over the teen magazines(17, Teen Beat, etc.) on Friday nights, and leaving the magazine rack a shambles.

Oh, and the hyper, unwashed gents that moan and complain about how none of the comic books on the racks are in mint/near mint condition.

Sheesh.

However, for all the griping, I do recall the good days - listening to what we wanted on the store cassette player as long as it wasn't "too" loud, and playing what we wanted on the store's VCR. It was a steady diet of the SW Trilogy and whatever Trek movies were out at the time.

[The Highlander]

Originally posted by Ineti

Common query from customers, "I didn't see it on the shelves; do you have a copy in the back?" I swear that my employees and I heard, "Do you have a copy in the back?" so many times that we were really tempted to say, "Yeah, we have it in the back. I'll take you back there and show you." Then we could proceed to usher them out the back door and toss them in the dumpster or something. Petty I know, but when you're dealing with the dregs of society, what'cha gonna do? [/B]

Oh lord, you don't know how many versions of that I had to put up with. . .

The worst I had was a woman who swore, even after I showed her on the computer that the store no longer carried a certain title, "well, it's got to be here -- I bought a copy 5 years ago, and it surely couldn't have gone out of print . . .could you please check again?"

[The Highlander]

Originally posted by Michael Barratt
"The Source," She sez, looking annoyed.

I look at her. "You'd like a book called 'The Source?'" (I always do this. If someone says, "Cooking." I say, "You'd like to see some cookbooks?" I figure, unless we're playing word association, you at least owe me a complete phrase.)

SHe nods, as if to say, "Duh." (This nearly always happens in response to that habit, but I get a little tingle at making them confirm that they do indeed want a book that matches whatever single or double word they've sniped my way).

I say, helpfully, "There are quite a few books called "The Source." Did you want the New Age title, the fiction novel, the history book..?"

She stares at me like I'm on low-grade crack. "I just want the Source."

"Do you know who wrote it?" I ask, still in helpful mode.

"Nobody wrote it." She stops talking.

I wait. "Do you know what it's about?" I'm about ready to rip out my hair (and there's not much of it left).

"It's not about anything. It's just a book." She thinks, hard, "It has words in it."

There was the death cry of a thousand brilliant comebacks being sucked into the vacuum of restraint.

My co-worker leaps to the rescue: "What do you need the book for?"

She sighs, "I just want the Source! It's a book with words in it!"

*ding* goes the little bell in my head.

"Do you mean a Thesaurus?"

Worst part? When She got to the cash, she said, "Oh, hey, it's written in latin on the cover..."

The Doc

This is the sort of thing that leaves a clerk thumping his head on the countertop after the customer has gone. . .

I would usually ask my manager "Permission to go out back and scream, sir?"

His answer 9 out of 10 times was "Granted. . ."

He knew how to take care of his troops. .

[Ineti]

Um, so, this isn't precisely related, but did any of you other bookstore employees imprint Star Trek onto your bookstore?

For instance, our manager was the captain of the store (ship), the home office was Starfleet Command, the regional managers were admirals, our two assistant managers were the XO and Second Officer, the other key holders were Lt. Cmdrs or Lts. and so on.

Did anyone else do something like this or was my store out there all alone in the geek Trek world?

(And yes, I know that last question leaves me wide open for all kinds of abuse. Bring it on.)

[Captain Zymmer]

So there I am...Graveyard Shift manager of red Hot Video (we specialize in Adult Videos). It is about 12:30am, always a rush righ as come on shift. A line of about 5 customers are waiting to be served.

The first guy in the line walks up to the cash and says.

"What's a great movie?"

I wait for him to clarify or quantify. He doesn't. I smile and say.

"Casablanca."

He stares at me blankly, while three customers behind him start laughing their asses of.

I felt good a that moment, still my favorite moment from working there...Well the only one I can share on a PG forum

[Dan Stack]

Well, now we know where you get all your ideas for LGT adventures...