: Un-forgotten quotes!

[TomMarg]

Okay folks, I have been seeing some D&D quotes for forgotten realms and the like. So place them here, most of us have played AD&D and other games, star wars, traveller, palladium and more.

Let's hear your stories!

[Michael Barratt]

D&D Group is being chased by a lot of orcs through a very dense forest. I described the place as so choked with vegetation and plants that that's helping them - they're out of sight and they might make it if they're careful.

The Paladin, who doesnt' want to run, says, "We need to know where they are." Out of character, he turns to me and says, "I want to climb up and take a look - are there any trees?"

Thief player turns to him and says, "We're in a forest!"

Game ground to a resounding halt as everyone laughed.

Later in the game, the two female players we had, who were playing a slick city-thief/spy type lady and a rural ranger/hunter type lady respectfully, had captured and were trying to initimidate a hostage. The two ladies don't get along in character, being so different. The spy finally sighed, and threw up her hands, and said, all in character with a Scarlet O'hara type accent:

"Honey, I give up. In about thirty seconds, I'm gonna give you over to her. Take a second and really look at her. Her hair is in a pony-tail. A pony-tail. Her fingernails are short, she wears pants, and look at how dirty she is." She leaned in close, "Between you and me, honey, I think she's probably just gonna eat you."

The hostage began speaking, quickly. In character, the two got along after that.

The Doc

[Liquidator Queeg]

The Game: 1988, AD&D
The Place: Waterdeep. City of Splendors. Forgotten Realms.
The Scene: Seedy bar named the Rat's Nest.

The party (Halfling Thief, Human Fighter/Magic User, Human Cleric) was having a grand old time at the Rat's Nest celebrating their recent victory over a long-time rival and his shadowy organization. For the entire 12-month journey from Cormyr to Waterdeep, the thief and fighter/mage had tormented the cleric by visiting ever dirty, low-down, whore-infested tavern they could find. The cleric, suitable named Onus the Pious, had remained chaste and pure--the very pinnacle of goodness and propriety.

Well, Onus proceeded to get drunk for the first time at the Rat's Nest. While he was jabbering on with someone in the tavern, the thief and fighter/mage call over three ladies of the night. One of them sits on Onus' lap. Maybe it was the recent victory. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe both. But Onus plants the deepest wet sloppy kiss right smack on the woman's lips ... the other characters are speechless (as are the players and I)!

Onus proudly stands up and shouts...

"Well, let's have a little immorality then!"

We couldn't play for the next half-hour we all laughed so hard. It was priceless! When poor Onus woke up the next day with the woman in his bed, he had some major praying to do. And not just for the hangover.

Steve

[Captain Blake]

"Let's have a little immorality then." LOL
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The place, the Forgotten Realms, Damara if you must know.

The party:

Female elf Ranger-Beastrider with Musk Ox;
Female Avariel (winged elf) Fighter (no kit);
Female Gnome Priest/Thief (Baravar--Gnome god of Illusions) ;
Male half elf Priest (Tempus--god of war);
Male half elf Bard (Gallant kit); and
Male half elf Psionicist (Clairvoyeur, er Clairvoyant)

First, the Gallant couldn't leave a fight while there were any women to protect. The women were the front line fighters. He spent lots of time being healed by the priestess of Baravar.

The whole party was out for battle glory, to prove themselves, yadda yadda yadda. The Gnome got to steal them blind, and they didn't care. Anyways, enough digression.

Well, a friend of ours came for a visit (she was the Girlfriend of the player of the Priest of Tempus). I gave her a NPC Wizard/Agent of the Crown to play as a semi-reoccuring character.

Well, when she met the party, the Priest of Tempus said to her, "I don't want you to use any of your magic on any monsters until I've chosen which ones I get to fight. Wait until I'm done."

So, the party was traveling along, and ran across a mountain giant blocking the road.

The Priest of Tempus said, "He's mine" while looking at the Wizard. He started to charge forward on his horse.

Me: "Even at full speed, he'll get two rounds of boulders before you can get to him."

Him: "Bring it on."

Round 1: Boulder hit, moderate damage.

Round 2: Boulder hit, major damage.

Round 3: Roll for initiative, Giant wins. Swings Bigass Club (tm). Squish. Priest falls.

Wizard turns to the Ranger (her character was the lover to the priest) and says, "Is he done? Can I go now?"

Alex

[darkwing duck1]

Our Dragonlance party was trying to escape a Flying Citadel controlled by the Dragonarmies:

The party bursts into a room to find itself face to face with Lord Soth! He points at Belize, the Minotaur, and casts Finger of Death. The miotaur rolls to save, rolls a natural 20 (auto success), steps up and strikes with his battle axe. He rolls a nat 20 again (crit hit), and rolls 2 more "20s" (for a total of a triple-critical). He then rolls within a half-dozen points or so of max damage. The narration was as follows:

"Lord Soth points a finger at Belize and says 'Die!' Belize blinks, bellows 'NO!' and strikes a mighty blow that splits Soth's breastplate in two and sends him crashing to the floor, allowing you to cross the room and run out the far door."

For years afterwards, we would all look at each other occasionally and go " 'Die!' 'NO!' CLEAVE!!!!" After which we'd have to take a minute or two to stop chuckling...

[Cybrludite]

I was at Mad Con up in Madison, Wisconsin this past weekend, and played in a homebrewed cyberpunk game using a kludged d20 system. (Run by the folks at The Impossible Dream )

The team was meeting with a fixer to sell a stolen bio-chip when the villians that we'd run into before showed up & started shooting. The fixer tried to escape without us. (And without completing the deal) My character threatened to shoot her if she didn't take us with. She called the bluff, so my character shot her. What had been a regular shoot-out became a three-way shoot out. The guy leading the team managed to get a truce going w/ the fixer, and was attempting to salvage the deal. As that was going on, I turned to the GM and said, "OK, while he's negotiating, I'm reloading!" For some reason this struck everyone else at the table as massively humorous.

Another good line came from the Big Eyes, Small Mouth game earlier in the day. One of the characters was trying to make Unobtainium out of a Twinkie so she could blow up the Earth for her science fair project. (Don't ask...) After a successful science roll, the GM told her, "It's no longer a Twinkie, but it's not quite Unobtainium yet."

[Kaiddin]

Best I can come up with was a D&D throw away session with a friend who was new to RPGs and apparently the english language. Upon being informed that his dwarf fighter had spotted a company of orcs he yelled out "Cleavage!" It was only after a few minutes of laughing that he explained that he thought it was something that could be done with his battleaxe.