Best jokes in Star Trek

[jedimuldoon]

"Are you taking me to the promised land?"

"That's what you get for missing staff meetings doctor."

[First of Two]

ST3 Sulu: "Don't call me tiny."

'Rascals' Picard: "I want my father NOW! NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!"

ST4 Spock/Kirk "Yes" "No" "No" "Yes" "Yes" "No" "No" "Yes. I love Italian. And so do you." "Yes."

ST8 Troi (very drunk): "Sho don't criticize my counsheling technique!"

[Karg]

To continue on ST8

Troi: "I'm blending in!"

Riker: " Oh, you're blended all right!"


From a Piece of the Action (TOS)

The whole Fizbin routine

and

Kirk: Check

Spock: Right

Than later

Kirk: Right

Spock: Check

Kirk shakes his head


Karg

[Vaebn]

Imagus beat me to my favourite, the only others that come to mind are:

First Contact, Cochrane to Geordi, Riker & Troi:

"and you people, your're on some kind of... Star Trek"

and Patterns of Force (TOS)

Spock to Kirk (I think):

"You'd make a very good member of the gestapo"

[Perrryyy]

My timing is digital.

His dancing scene with the knockout hologram is good...

"I could never get the cadence quite right. Thank you Father".

Meridian: Trill spots go ALL THE WAY DOWN!

[Kronok]

"Spock!!! Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!?"

Don't know if that was actually on-screen, but it makes me laugh.

[Capt Daniel Hunter]

Originally posted by Kronok
"Spock!!! Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!?"

Don't know if that was actually on-screen, but it makes me laugh.

I'm pretty certain that was on screen

[Sea Tyger]

Originally posted by Capt Daniel Hunter


I'm pretty certain that was on screen

It was.

STII, in engineering as the Enterprise was limping away from Reliant and the Genesis device. Spock was preparing to enter the dilithium chamber (or whatever that room was), and McCoy grabbed him by the arm.

Bones: "Are you out of your Vulcan mind? No human can tolerate the radiation in there!"

Spock: "As you so fond of saying, I am not human."

Bones: "You're not going in there."

Spock: "Perhaps you're right. What is Mr. Scott's condition?"

Bones: "Well, I don't know --"

Spock applies a nerve pinch, and helps Bones to the deck. Then he does the "Remember" mind meld, etc.

It's scary that I can write that all from memory.

[StyroFoam Man]

This message has been removed on request by the
poster

[Calcoran]

Probably not the funniest moment of Star Trek, but still, just saw it again last night:
Heart of Glory.
Riker (to Picard): You're right, sounds like a trap. Let's go!

[C5]

One of my fav was also Picard's comment in the end of Ship in a bottle :
"Maybe ourselves are only a fiction appearing in a box on someone's table" (not the exact quote).

Also, Bashir to O'Brien in Trials and Tribble-ations :
"I can't wait to get back to Deep Space Nine and see your face when you find out that I never existed!"

[K'lek of Vulcan]

Can't leave out the new series....

From Enterprise (Fallen Hero)

Trip: "You really enjoy this, don't you?"
Malcom: "Replacing power couplings? Hardly"
Trip: "No, I mean having people shoot at us."
Malcom: "If you must know, I much prefer the shooting back part"


Malcom reminds me too much of someone I know in real life

[Robbert Raets]

Originally posted by Joe Dizzy
I remember that scene in TNG'S Racals. Where young Picard talks to Riker <snip>

I also like the scene when Picard's changed back, minus hair...... Before that, I'd never have thought you could touch your scalp nostagically!

[Karg]

Originally posted by AslanC
Star Trek IV - Period

That was one funny movie. In fact it was the first time Star Trek really stopped and took a good look at itself.

Of particular note though.....

Chekov: I am looking for nuclear wessals!

the whole FBI questioning Chekov routine

and the Scene when the Whaling ship launches it's harpoon at it hit's the cloaked Bird of Prey.

Karg

[C5]

And don't forget the "Compuuuter ???" scene with Scotty (much funnier when you know of people who actually tried to talk into their mouse)

Kirk : "What does mean : exact change ?"

Also Kirk, about Spock : "Oh, he took a bit too much of LDS" (don't remember the exact quote).

And the whales mind meld too...

The whale expert (keep forgetting her name) arriving at the park while the hooper is delivering the plexiglas (and the whole following scene).

And of the beginning of the movie, Spock's test (with the "How do you feel" question stalling him after a battery of quantum physics and philosophy enigmas).