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Thread: Dr. Seuss Trek

  1. 10-15-2002, 05:55 AM #1
    Kronok
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    Dr. Seuss Trek

    If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation...

    Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,
    So, Data, please, how far? How far?

    Data: Our ship can get there very fast
    But still the trip will last and last
    We'll have two days til we arrive
    But can the Indrans there survive?

    Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.

    LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline!

    Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
    Please make it so, please make it so!

    Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
    We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
    The danger here is far too great!

    Picard: But surely we must not be late!

    Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire.

    Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

    Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be?
    Who lit the fire?

    Riker: Not me.

    Worf: Not me.

    Picard: Computer, how long til we die?

    Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

    Data: May I suggest a course to take?
    We could, I think, quite safely make
    Extinguishers from tractor beams
    And stop the fire, or so it seems...

    Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
    Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

    Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much.
    You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

    Troi: We still must save the Indran planet --

    Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite...

    Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist.
    We understand -- we get your gist.
    But can we get our ship to go?
    Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

    Geordi: There's sabotage among the wires
    And that's what started all the fires.

    Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
    We need to go! We need to go!

    Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy
    And lock him up and ask him why?

    Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental.
    I say give him problems dental.

    Troi: Are any Romulan ships around?
    Have scanners said that they've been found?
    Or is it Borg or some new threat
    We haven't even heard of yet?
    I sense no malice in this crew.
    Now what are we supposed to do?

    Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
    They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
    I can't just sit and let them die!
    A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

    Picard: Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

    Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

    *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
    HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

    Worf: The saboteur is in the brig.
    He's very strong and very big.
    I had my phaser set on stun --
    A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
    He would not budge, he would not fall,
    He would not stun, no, not at all!
    He changed into a stranger form
    All soft and purple, round and warm.

    Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
    Did you see this creature morph?

    Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly.
    Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

    Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend!
    Our troubles now are at an end!

    Crusher: Now let's get our ship to fly
    And orbit yonder Indran sky!

    Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

    Geordi: Yes, sir, we can.

    Picard: Then make it so!

    THE END
    Kronok

    I am dead. As of this moment, we are all dead. We go into battle to reclaim our lives. This we do gladly because we are Jem’Hadar. Remember, victory is life.

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  2. 10-15-2002, 06:07 AM #2
    Robbert Raets
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    ?!?!

    Very well done, but what's the point?
    The darkness inside me is a lot scarier than the darkness out there....
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  3. 10-15-2002, 07:24 AM #3
    Ineti
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    Silly but cute, Kronok.

    Did you write it or did you find it somewhere on the 'net?
    Modiphius Star Trek Adventures Living Campaign co-editor and adventure coordinator
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  4. 10-15-2002, 07:28 AM #4
    SIR SIG
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    Far to much time on your hands if you managed all that

    Still very good and quite a laugh!
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  5. 10-15-2002, 07:53 AM #5
    C5
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    Okay, I must confess my ignorance... who is Dr Seuss exactly ? I keep seeing references about him on the Net but never managed to know what it was about.

    Otherwise, funny text.
    "The main difference between Trekkies and Manchester United fans is that Trekkies never trashed a train carriage. So why are the Trekkies the social outcasts?"
    Terry Pratchett
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  6. 10-15-2002, 09:39 AM #6
    Aldaron
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    Well, as the father of a five-year-old who loves Dr Suess...that had me in absolute fits.

    Well done!
    When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It is difficult only for others.

    It's the same when you are stupid...
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  7. 10-15-2002, 09:39 AM #7
    Publius
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    Originally posted by Robbert Raets
    ?!?!

    Very well done, but what's the point?
    That's an... interesting comment.

    btw, for C5 and others not familiar with this bit of Americana (which is pretty culture specific I guess so there wouldn't be any reason for you to be familiar with it), some basic information on Dr. Seuss, or more properly Theodor Seuss Geisel, can be found at Dr Suess on Encarta and of course the recent movie treatment (which wasn't up my alley) of The Grinch who stole Christmas/"the Grinch".

    PS: Very funny Kronok!
    "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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  8. 10-15-2002, 09:47 AM #8
    C5
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    Thanks for the link, Publius
    "The main difference between Trekkies and Manchester United fans is that Trekkies never trashed a train carriage. So why are the Trekkies the social outcasts?"
    Terry Pratchett
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  9. 10-15-2002, 10:32 AM #9
    Perrryyy Guest

    Talking

    ROFLMAO! Very funny
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  10. 10-15-2002, 04:44 PM #10
    StyroFoam Man
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    Thumbs up

    This message has been removed on request by the
    poster
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  11. 10-15-2002, 05:01 PM #11
    Sarge
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    LOL, Kronok!

    This reminds me of the first time I saw TNG's "A Matter of Honor", when Riker learned how to eat gagh and served as first officer on the Klingon ship Pagh. I said to myself, "I will not eat gagh on the Pagh". Always thought it had the potential for a full-scale "Green Eggs and Gagh" story, but never tried to do it myself.
    + &lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;<

    Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight. Psalm 144:1
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  12. 10-16-2002, 03:16 PM #12
    tmutant
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    LOL

    Good job.
    tmutant

    Founder of the Evil Gamemasters Support Group. No, Really.
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