A Bit Of Humor: Design Your Own Star Trek Film

[Greg Davis]

For the many, many board members who feel that they can better manage the Star Trek franchise than the infamous entities of evil, Rick Berman and Brannon Braga... I found this link at EN World, and thought I'd pass it along to the fine board members here...

Star Trek: The Next Generation Movie Plotter

I read a few of the examples posted at EN World, and they're pretty funny. Maybe, after running something through, people will post their plots here?



Greg

[pathstrider]

okay....

This started off serious... but then declined rapidly.

---------------------

Star Trek:Redemption

Written By:Mark Townshend
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see stars falling from the sky. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are bungy jumping. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about his new first officer.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must wipe of the tribbles. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data returns from the dead!. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving a tribble in the jefferies tubes! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that the tribbles are controlled by the borg, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Julian Bashir, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Tofu, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Tofu is not REALLY that bad, because is just following his natural urges.

The crew then learns that Earth is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Pop!.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he lands in apile of tribbles. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, strokes a tribble. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, the tribbles fall of Picard. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the sandpit. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because tribbles fall on picard. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'crap!!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Tofu has a tribble creator! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Awww!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Tofu, the enterprise explodes. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Tofu.

Soon, Riker shoots at tribbles. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called collaron. In a fit of rage, Tofu attempts to activate his tribble creator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Tofu by stomping on him. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Worf saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his new first officer. Picard then gives a boring speech about nature.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

-------------------------------------------

later days!

Mark

[calguard66]

Worked well for me, would have been better if they used more generic grammar:


Star Trek:Geriatrics

Written By:Arkan Foehammer
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Ezri, Jadzia, Kira, T'Pol and Seven enjoying a Denibian jello massage while wondering whatever happened to the crew of the good ol' Enterprise. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are sitting around a pastoral lawn at a Starfleet retirement home gossiping about the facility staff. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about not being able to find his teeth.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must discover the loaction of the Captain's teeth. The knows that he had them to eat dinner last night... Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data shows up to share his new job with his former shipmates. Since quitting Starfleet he has opened a line of pleasure androids with brains modeled after B4. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving Picard attempting to get frisky with a pleasure android, but only being able to gum it ineffectively... they still haven't located his teeth! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that the other Starfleet captains have had similar problems... Kirk lost his skull-rug for several weeks while staying at this same retirement facility, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Wesly Crusher, who shows up to beat Worf woth a stick, now that Worf is old and feeble. and can't kick his butt. Worf kicks it anyway., who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Buddy-Lee, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Buddy-Lee is not REALLY that bad, because just wants in on the Denibian jello massage.

The crew then learns that Denibia is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Gettin' giggy wit it.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he has to have an emergency Depends change after kicking Wesley's butt. He recovers by sticking the adult undergarments over Wesly's bloody head.. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, attempts to seduce Worf, but he's too busy. She attempts to seduce Riker, but he's busy as well. So she settles for Bev Crusher.. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Buddy-Lee slips in jello while attempting to aplly some to one of Seven's implants. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the relaxing retirement facility garden. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Picard puts the make on every felame in sight, just like Kirk, but only lands one of Data's androids... and only because Data feels sorry for his old boss and comps him a freebie. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Aw, shucks... no more jello!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Buddy-Lee has a automatic teeth-finder, which malfunctions and begins locking on to all the teeth in the room! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'and that's not my finger!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Buddy-Lee, Ezri decides she really doesn't want a jello-massage after all... but is held down by the other girls and given a very thorough one anyway. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Buddy-Lee.

Soon, Riker shoots at Buddy-Lee for trying to get Troi into the jello scene... but the shot bounces off Buddy's jeans and hits Picard's newly recovered teeth. Picard smacks Riker in the head.. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called ComehereIwanna Nebula. In a fit of rage, Buddy-Lee attempts to activate his automatic teeth-finder, which malfunctions and begins locking on to all the teeth in the room! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Buddy-Lee by accidentally pushing him into a vat of jello. Kira jumps in to save him, things get a little out of hand, and he dies hours later of heart failure. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Data, when one of his pleasure androids turns up with Picard's teeth clamped on it's undergarments saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with not being able to find his teeth. Picard then gives a boring speech about the importance of good cardiovascular conditioning, and oral hygeine.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END

[Dan Gurden]

I was wondering. Because SFX ran a series of 'The Star Trek movies they never made';

My big fat Betazed Weding
Rom-Com in which the Enterprise crew travel to Deanna Troi's home planet to watch her marriage to Riker. Naturally all the guests have to attend stark Nekked, according to Betazoid custom. Including Deanna's other relatives, who are all clinically Obese.

Borgs in the Hood
Hard-hitting Ghetto drama about a Borg Cube landing in South Central LA. After assimilating some homies, the alien cyborgs rap their way to the top of the charts, before being gunned down in a drive-by shooting by Species 8472. Starring Ice Cube, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Alice Krige.

Doc, Spock and Two Smoking Phasers
Faux-Cockney (or Mockney as we like to call it) shenanigans directed by Guy Ritchie. The EMH and Mr Spockare running a debt-collection firm in North London, putting the frightners on flash little herberts in their manor who refuse to pay their D'abo losses. Co-starring Vinnie Jones as hard-nut 'Arry the Andorian.

Dude, wheres my Shuttlecraft?
Teen comedy from the Farrelly Brothers. jake and No wake up naked in a ditch after an all night Romulan Ale bender and must get home before their dads find out. Featuring a shockingly bad taste sequence where Nog has his first sexual encounter with a steaming Ferengi Flan.

Three men and a little Balok
Kirk, Bones and Spock take it in turns to act as surrogate father to the half-pint alien from 'The Corbormite Maneuver', who in turn squeals "Stop dressing me up as a baby! I am an adult!" in vain as they pinch his cheeks, go "Cootchy-Coo" and force feed him puréed carrots.

[b]Star Trek; the Slow Motion Picture[/i]
Arse-Numbing conceptual art experiment, where 'Star Trek; The Motion Picture' is made even more tedeous by being projected at one-20th of its normal speed, over a period of several days.

Star Trek; The Wrath of Trelane
Feature Length campery featuring the cosmic Liberace as he seeks his revenge on Kirk by kidnapping him and the crew and forces them to listen to him playing the Piano.

Star Trek; The Search for Neelix
First in a series of Voyager spin off movies. After hearing News from the Delta Quuadrant of the cheerful Talaxians death, the crew of the Voyager steal their decomissioned ship, travel trough a wormhole to find his final resting place. Then they stamp on it and have a party.

Gorn with the Wind
Low-brow scatalogical comedy which features a fearsome alien lizard trumping loudly. For an hour and a half.

Sulu Dawn
Short film in the 'Starship Excelsior' series. Showing the ex-Enterprise Navigator waking up in his jim-jamsa as his alarm goes off far too early...

[Jabara Eris]

Okay, here's my shot at it ...

Star Trek:Curmudgeon

Written By: Jabara Eris

The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see the Earth being swallowed by a monkey. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are heckling passersby at Starfleet Academy. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about being French.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must ferry a box of self-sealing stem bolts to Bajor. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data decides to dress in drag. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving a sentient holodeck character running around shooting things in hallway! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that the Earth is just a giant mechanical toy, and it's about to wind down, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to the Bolian barber, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Krek' Nor, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Krek' Nor is not REALLY that bad, because just wants to be the new mayor of San Francisco.

The crew then learns that Bajor is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'She's Having My Baby.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he is forced to also dress in drag to help find Data. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, decides to call a radio station and request Data's favorite song. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Q decides to turn the moon a bright shade of blue. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the beach. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because the crew saves a group of whales. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Jesus on a pogo stick!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Krek' Nor has a gender-changing device! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Now is the time ... to rock and roll!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Krek' Nor, the Golden Gate bridge collapses into the Bay. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Krek' Nor.

Soon, Riker shoots at Q. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Peenbow. In a fit of rage, Krek' Nor attempts to activate his gender-changing device! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Krek' Nor by blowing away his innards with a 45 automatic. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Wesley Crusher saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with being French. Picard then gives a boring speech about the importance of the diplomatic political process.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END

[Perrryyy]

Star Trek:From the Grounds Up

Written By:Transwarp Perrryyy
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Picard being promoted to Admiral. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are visiting Troi in an insane asylum. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about all the blasted papperwork he has to do now that he has an extra pip.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must the Merak 2, to collect chocolate for Troi!. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data finds a goofy female android. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving the WanValdeezians! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that that the Juan Valdeezians want to steal all the UFP's coffee, thus making them too jittery to protect the Federation from their impending attack, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Martha Stewart, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Konas, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Konas is not REALLY that bad, because is Picard's Earl Grey tea supplier when the replicators are down.

The crew then learns that Hawaii's supply of Kona coffee is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'It's the end of the World as we know it.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he spilled coffee on his batleth. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, eats too much chocolate. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Data drinks too much coffee and has to use the little android's room. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the Picard vineyards. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Riker orders coffee from the ship's replicator (just like Kirk!). This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Dang Moccha Mogul!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Konas has a Mr Coffee machine! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Where's the restroom?!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Konas, Picard figures out a way to sabotage they Valdeezians Coffee machine!. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Konas.

Soon, Riker shoots at Konas. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called the coffee nebula (what else?). In a fit of rage, Konas attempts to activate his Mr Coffee machine! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Konas by forcing him to drink decaffienated Folgers. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Martha Stewart! saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with all the blasted papperwork he has to do now that he has an extra pip. Picard then gives a boring speech about caffiene's effect on the bladder.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END

[RaconteurX]

Star Trek: Accordion



Written By: an infinite number of Bermans & Bragas



The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see a rock video featuring the BeeGees, Peter Frampton and Aerosmith. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are attending an orgy at Graceland. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about not getting any of the cute women at the orgy.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must bed. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data discovers a Mike Myers retrospective on cable, and decides to dress and act like Austin Powers. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving Data shagging a hologram of Tasha Yar, who is dressed like Heather Graham in "Boogie Nights"! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that that someone took his nightlight, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Martin Landau and Barbara Bain, who weren't even in Star Trek yet are recognized by many TNG fans. They don't really help the plot, but the Space:1999 fans get a quick thrill.

Then, Elvis, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Elvis is not REALLY that bad, because he is actually dead and not much of a threat these days.

The crew then learns that Geidi Prime is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Cop Killer.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he feels Wesley looks better in his tight-fitting Mirror Universe uniform. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, kicks a puppy. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Riker and Worf attempt to perform the ballet "Swan Lake" in order to escape from Mirror Wesley. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the Opryland theme park. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Elvis puts slimy things into the ears of Crusher and Geordi, giving them something to do this time... scream!. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Oooo, puckernuts!!' Elfquest fans in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Elvis has a pair of blue suede shoes, or nothing but a hound dog... we're not sure which! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Leaping lizards!!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Elvis, Berman and Braga are systematically phasered to death. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Elvis.

Soon, Riker shoots at himself, and still manages to miss. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Poughkeepsie. In a fit of rage, Elvis attempts to activate his pair of blue suede shoes, or nothing but a hound dog... we're not sure which! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Elvis by stapling him to a southbound chicken. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily the Ghost of Christmas Future, who needs him for a Dickens sequel saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with not getting any of the cute women at the orgy. Picard then gives a boring speech about cherries.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

[C5]

Star Trek:Continuity

Written By:C5
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see a mob of fans storming the office of Berman and Braga. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are trying to count how many ships were named Enterprise in Earth and Federation history. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about being always compared to Kirk.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must discover who destroyed Berman and Braga's office. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data tries to disguise himself as T'Pol. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving the Enterprise destroying an old NX-class starship! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that that Federation history has been tampered with, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Jolene Blalock, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Baku'la, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Baku'la is not REALLY that bad, because was just obeying Paramount's order.

The crew then learns that The Star Trek fan community is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Faith of the Heart.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he screams like Hoshi because he's afraid of the dark. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, is taking a decontamination shower. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, the Enteprise does loopings in space. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the Star Trek theme park. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because a female crewmember walks by in a mini skirt. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Errr... poop ?!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Baku'la has a Star Trek fan cloning device! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'I just want to be left alone!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Baku'la, the Enteprise slowly approaches the Paramount building. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Baku'la.

Soon, Riker shoots at the spectator, trying to copy the James Bond opening sequence. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called the Parent's basement. In a fit of rage, Baku'la attempts to activate his Star Trek fan cloning device! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Baku'la by delivering him to a horde of angry Star Trek fans. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Mirror Braga saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with being always compared to Kirk. Picard then gives a boring speech about how people will always prefer TOS to the other Star Trek series.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END


Note : I actually like Enterprise and hold no hard feeling against any ST fan

[Robbert Raets]

[color=sky blue]Star Trek: Clean Deck[/color]

Written By: the Duelist formerly known as Robbert Raets
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Wolf 359 junk being sucked into a giant Klingon Warship. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are in EVA-suits, scraping the hull and re-painting the NCC-number. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about not gettin' any despite the many GF's he's had in the past movies and episodes.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must get to the Klingon border, where General Hoov'r lays in ambush. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data up-grades his groinal attachment, but it sucks, resulting in much chaos as trash and medals fly around in his quarters. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving Commander Geordi LaForge, who scrambles through the engineering hull while Klingon Marines empty their disruptors trying to hit him. But Geordi easily stays ahead of them, fooling them into an Arctic simulation on the holodeck while he reboots the Warp Core! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that Hoov'r J'ay intends to destroy the Federation and Romulan fleets and suck up the debris for use as raw resources, which he intends to sell to the Klingon High Council, who seek to rebuild their glorious fleet, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a Geordi talks to Scotty over subspace, who commends him "fer knowin' yer weey 'round the ship" and fooling the Klingon boarding party, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Hoov'r J'ay, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Hoov'r J'ay is not REALLY that bad, because he has issues with weak foreheads. His parents blame the nanny, the nanny blames the family teacher and the teacher blames Klingon society.

The crew then learns that Outpost 5-8-7 is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Yellow Bird-of-Prey.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he gets trash-talked by Martok's aide whereas Geordi is treated with respect for fooling the Marines in an earlier scene. Worf then proceeds to kill the aide, but Picard and Riker stun him just before he can deliver the finishing blow. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, tries to comfort Worf and nearly forgets she's married to Riker now.... Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Data trips over his groinal attachment, Worf trips over Data, and Geordi sounds funny because he took a deep breath while standing in front of a helium exhaust. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beam to the barren rocky wastes. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher does absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Data performs a groin meld with Hoov'r's ship, sees the sun, the moon and the stars, and convinces it that life's not worth it without sex, and the ship gets depressed and self-destructs. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'F*cking L33t, Captain!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Hoov'r J'ay has a Klingonese Giant Space-born Vacuum Cleaner! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'No, Worf, we're all out of 'Spotted Monthly' holographs!' Even though this makes not much sense.

In their attempts to stop Hoov'r J'ay, the Enterprise performs phaser surgery on the big enemy Klingon ship. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Hoov'r J'ay.

Soon, Riker shoots at a really large group of angry Klingons, who proceed to pound on him. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called 'the B'llschi't Expanse'. In a fit of rage, Hoov'r J'ay attempts to activate his Klingonese Giant Space-born Vacuum Cleaner! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Geordi, who invents several new tactical manouvres while they speed away from Hoov'r's ship in an armored shuttle saves Picard at the last moment. Picard violently and mercilessly kills Hoov'r J'ay by 'forgetting' to close the airlock as he and Geordi escape.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems about not gettin' any. Picard then gives a boring speech about nationalism and Klingon pride being out-of-date.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END

Slightly edited for continuity.

[erhershman]

The guy who posted this plotter thing REALLY doesn't like TNG, does he? I'm not really sure what I think of his cynical attitude but I'll go for it anyway:

Star Trekoomsday

Written By:Evan Hershman
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see a whole bunch of planets being blown to smithereens. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are stuck in spacedock arguing with the repair crews there. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about the fact that they want to decomission the ship.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must figure out what's blowing up these planets. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data is resurrected from Nemesis when they finally get his memory uploaded into the B4. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving a battle with small spaceborne creatures that look like poodles! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that that Guadoman is destroying these planets, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Rick Berman (as himself), who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Guadoman, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Guadoman is not REALLY that bad, because is constantly being made fun of because of his big ears.

The crew then learns that Andoria is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'IThis Is The Song That Never Ends.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he slips on a bannana peels that someone has deliberately placed outside the turbolift. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, gets ticked at Riker and stalks out of their quarters. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Crusher decided to mock Picard by saying "make it so" whenever possible. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the artic wastes of Andoria. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Data makes a remark that they could stop the villian with a few humpback whales. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Oh, shit... sorry, Captain!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Guadoman has a Matter-antimatter dinnerplate! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Where's the bathroom on this ship?!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Guadoman, Riker gets shoved out the airlock by Troi. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Guadoman.

Soon, Riker shoots at Troi. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Piller's Patch 'o Fun. In a fit of rage, Guadoman attempts to activate his Matter-antimatter dinnerplate! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Guadoman by humiliating him by mocking his big ears. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Rick Berman saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with the fact that they want to decomission the ship. Picard then gives a boring speech about whether the "new" Data is as good as the old one.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

[C5]

Originally posted by erhershman
The guy who posted this plotter thing REALLY doesn't like TNG, does he? I'm not really sure what I think of his cynical attitude but I'll go for it anyway:

Given that there's a link below the page to a site devoted to the glory of Kirk and the bashing of Picard , I thing there's little doubt about that.

Well, the script generator is fun anyway and has some good points (along with some Nemesis spoilers, but that's something I've learned to live with )

[Perrryyy]

Originally posted by C5
Star Trek:Continuity

Written By:C5
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see a mob of fans storming the office of Berman and Braga. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are trying to count how many ships were named Enterprise in Earth and Federation history. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about being always compared to Kirk.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must discover who destroyed Berman and Braga's office. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data tries to disguise himself as T'Pol. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving the Enterprise destroying an old NX-class starship! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that that Federation history has been tampered with, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Jolene Blalock, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Baku'la, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Baku'la is not REALLY that bad, because was just obeying Paramount's order.

The crew then learns that The Star Trek fan community is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Faith of the Heart.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he screams like Hoshi because he's afraid of the dark. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, is taking a decontamination shower. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, the Enteprise does loopings in space. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the Star Trek theme park. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because a female crewmember walks by in a mini skirt. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Errr... poop ?!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Baku'la has a Star Trek fan cloning device! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'I just want to be left alone!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Baku'la, the Enteprise slowly approaches the Paramount building. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Baku'la.

Soon, Riker shoots at the spectator, trying to copy the James Bond opening sequence. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called the Parent's basement. In a fit of rage, Baku'la attempts to activate his Star Trek fan cloning device! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Baku'la by delivering him to a horde of angry Star Trek fans. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Mirror Braga saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with being always compared to Kirk. Picard then gives a boring speech about how people will always prefer TOS to the other Star Trek series.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END


Note : I actually like Enterprise and hold no hard feeling against any ST fan

ROFLMAO!!

[StyroFoam Man]

This message has been removed on request by the
poster

[Ramage]

After reading some of the others, I feel much better about mine...

Star Trek:The Ultimate Confrontation
Written By:Angus MacDonald

The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see images of Camelot. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are introduce to non-holodeck roleplaying games. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about the fate of Shakespearean theatre.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must find a missing planet. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data decides he likes being a goofy elf. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving the Enterprise dodging planetary debris! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out that the Gorn have a device to explode planetary cores, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Uhura, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, Karglorn, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Karglorn is not REALLY that bad, because just wants heat for his planet and overestimated the power of his device.

The crew then learns that Hebron XI is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he has to dress up as a ballerina. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, dances around Worf in his tutu. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Geordie does pantomime. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Picard and his Away Team beams to the the swamp. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Picard tells everyone to remember where they parked. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Rocky Mountain Oysters!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that Karglorn has a Gorn Planet Warmer! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'This cannot be!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Karglorn, "bumper car" fight between Gorn and Federation shuttlecraft. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Karglorn.
Soon, Riker shoots at Troi. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Fighting Crabs. In a fit of rage, Karglorn attempts to activate his Gorn Planet Warmer! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Karglorn by tripping him into his own evil device. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Karglorn saves Picard at the last moment. [editor's note -- still trying to work the bugs outta this scene...]

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with the fate of Shakespearean theatre. Picard then gives a boring speech about how the Big Bang proves God exists.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

[Hugh Casey]

Star Trek:Bob

Written By:Hugh
The film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Hobbits cavorting in Hershey's syrup.. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly.

Here, we see the TNG crew. They are Cavorting with the hobbits in the Hershey's syrup.. This scene is lame.

During this scene, Picard whines about Being bald.

The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must buy some things at the store. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data gets horney, baby!. This scene is embarrassing.

But suddenly, there is an action scene involving skeet shooting some flying tribbles! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finds out about Rogaine!, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Morn, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot.

Then, snarglethump, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But snarglethump is not REALLY that bad, because has a serious lower GI problem.

The crew then learns that Someplace we've never heard of before this is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue!

A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Funky Town.' The audience groans.

And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he has his forehead used as a cheese grater. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, demonstrates a "Hello Kitty" vibrator. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot.

A little later, Riker hits on Worf. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Picard and his Away Team beams to the backyard at Rick Berman's house. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because V'ger shows up and eats some Klingons. This seems verrrry familiar...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Well, fellate me in a dog suit!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

The crew discovers that snarglethump has a Hello Kitty vibrator! This makes things very dangerous!

Then, one of the crewmembers says 'Snoochie-boochies!' Even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop snarglethump, Picard grows hair... out of his nose. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop snarglethump.

Soon, Riker shoots at himself (he was told to "Fire at Will!). But this accomplishes absolutely nothing.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Berman's brain!. In a fit of rage, snarglethump attempts to activate his Hello Kitty vibrator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills snarglethump by short circuiting that danmed "Hello Kitty" vibrator!. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily the screenwriter, with a ridiculous plot contrivance saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with Being bald. Picard then gives a boring speech about his hair.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END