Downloadable Adventure: Barahir's Ring

The first half of Barahir's Ring, a mini-adventure written over the past few days by yours truly, is ready to be downloaded! (as long as it works :D)

Contrary to what you might think from it's deceptive title, the adventure is set in the Third Age, and Barahir does not feature in it at all (although of course his ring does). Barahir's ring itself does not come into this section, because this is only the first half and the next three scenes will deal with the Lossoth (and the Ring of Barahir), an Ice-giant (is he truly as evil as he sounds?), and a massive battle against the Forces of Angmar.

Please tell me if you have any problems with it at all, including (but not limited to) how it downloads, the format, the pictures, spelling and grammar, and inaccuracies both historical, physical, and rules-wise.

Thank you for all comments and criticism!

I downloaded the file, but I cannot open it. Acrobat says that it is a damaged file.

Yes, my big bad. The reason is it's too big I believe; like it's 1.2 MB when the maximum is 1.1 MB or something. So I'm going to see if I can tune it down to a slightly smaller size.

Thanks for the trial, macaddictt! I'll see if I can fix it as soon as I can. :)

I hope you get the file up soon! I'm really looking forward to seeing what kind of adventure you can write, as I have really enjoyed your previous works for the RPG. I'll be sure to give some helpful comments once you get it up (despite the fact I am relatively new to RPGs).

Thanks! I think it just might work now (please say it's so!). I had to cut a few nice pictures (sob!), but I'm going to see if I can get a copy to Darrel Miller for MEGG that has all the pictures, that'd be sweet.

Just test the download, that'd be enough, and any more help after that I'd love! :D

Going to bed now, so I'll read your comments in the morning! If it doesn't work still I'll try and fix it, and if it does I'll be immensely happy.:cool:

I downloaded the file and will take a look at it in detail tomorrow.

My first comment/request, following a cursory flip-through of it, would be to remove all of the images. They don't add anything special to the file other than increasing the size of the final file. It took a little while to get the file downloaded on my crappy dial-up connection, FWIW. :)

Sure the images are pretty, and make the file purty, but they're not really essential to the adventure.

JMHO.

Well, I've had a chance to skim the aventure, but not enough time to read it properly, but of what I've seen it looks very good. I especially like the tests that the PCs must take on the journey north. I always have trouble making the journeys interesting and I am sure to find inspiration in your adventure. I think I will try running this adventure with my younger brothers who have been begging me to Narrate for them, but are too young to play in the group with whom I usually play.

Thanks for the great introductory adventure that will be very useful! Keep up the good work!

Thank you both!

macaddicttt: I'm glad you like it, feel free to point out anything wrong about it, or anything that could be added. Thanks! :)

Ineti: Yes, do look further in the morning! I just changed the file, now it's one with no pics, thanks for the heads-up. I'm going to wait to have one with pictures until the whole thing is done and it can be put somewhere like MEGG or S & K.

Now I've got to work on the next part... but I'm going to wait and see what comments the first one provokes.:cool: It'll give me some breathing space too. ;)

I liked the first half of the adventure, here are the things I enjoyed most-
-Simple, yet mysterious start. Works wonders. They know they are going to help the Lossoth, but they don't know if the Witch King has returned or what's going on... adds to the level of tension and fear.
-The tests going North were excellent. They were both challenging and require teamwork and careful thinking from the company. Nice job.
-The music selection, awesome touch! I love using music for appropriate scenes.
Suggestions for improvement:
-Copy everything into Word and do a spellcheck. I noticed at least two errors. No biggie.
-The "spiritual cold" they felt at the standing stones confused me. Will that be explained further, through a possible attack by a wight or spirit? If you aren't going to develop this further, I would suggest instead having them make a reaction test against Fear because of the great many howling wolves that startle them after this leg of their journey.This would make some sense, due to the fact that the last thing they need before camp is an attack by wolves.
-Put the pics back in! Can't wait to see them
:) I'll be waiting to see the rest!
P.S. This would be a great little adventure to send my players on if they didn't just finish a whole chronicle where a reborn Thuringwethil was searching for her bat-fell in the North, while gathering the orcish tribes to destroy the remaining Dunedain, picking up where the Witch-King left off. They can't go back North just yet :rolleyes:

Nice work here. I like the fact that it's a relatively simple scenario - much easier to get a variety of characters involved in.

Thanks for the nice long post, Alathriel! Feedback like this is exactly what I love most.:)

Reading through, I noticed a couple grammatical mistakes already, which I'll try and correct. And I'll run it through the spell-checker, totally forgot to do that, heh.

Great idea about changing the Willpower test, I'll do that as soon as I can get to it. :) I'm not sure when the second part will be ready... it's going to be a little bit harder and longer, and with schoolwork starting this week I won't have the loads of time I did before. But I'll try and get it done quickly!

As soon as I've got both parts ready I'm going to send them to Darrel Miller and see if he can put it up, pictures and all. :D

BTW, thanks for the comment, Jason!:cool:

You're welcome Ben. Hope to see it soon!

Well, I finished reading the adventure and I must say that I like it a lot. I especially liked the fear test and battle with the wolves to keep the PCs on their toes. As I said before, I'll probably run this adventure with my brothers, so I'm really looking forward to the next part.

The real value of this adventure to me was inspiration. I learned narrating from books and not from other people, so I never really know how much of a script I should have prepared or what kind of tests to give to my players. I appreciate the explantion of the modifiers to the tests, too, as I can see examples of the kind of tests I can do.

That said, though, I have one quibble with the adventure. The way that the narrating parts are written, aren't very Tolkien-sounding. A few passages are written awkwardly, or at least in my humble opinion. I would recomend re-reading what you have read and smoothing out the language to get a more Tolkien-ish feel from the adventure.

Thanks again for a great adventure and keep up the good work!

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Originally posted by macaddicttt
Well, I finished reading the adventure and I must say that I like it a lot. I especially liked the fear test and battle with the wolves to keep the PCs on their toes. As I said before, I'll probably run this adventure with my brothers, so I'm really looking forward to the next part.

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Great!

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The real value of this adventure to me was inspiration. I learned narrating from books and not from other people, so I never really know how much of a script I should have prepared or what kind of tests to give to my players. I appreciate the explantion of the modifiers to the tests, too, as I can see examples of the kind of tests I can do.

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The LotR RPG is my first RPG, and none of my friends have roleplayed before either, so writing this and getting feedback from you guys has helped in that I learn what's wrong with my methods. :)

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That said, though, I have one quibble with the adventure. The way that the narrating parts are written, aren't very Tolkien-sounding. A few passages are written awkwardly, or at least in my humble opinion. I would recomend re-reading what you have read and smoothing out the language to get a more Tolkien-ish feel from the adventure.

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I'll get on it right away. :) This is the first draft, so it's totally open to change. Just to clear this up: by 'narrating parts' you mean the text in blue? Just to make sure. :cool:

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Thanks again for a great adventure and keep up the good work!

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Thank you!

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Originally posted by ben hur

Just to clear this up: by 'narrating parts' you mean the text in blue? Just to make sure. :cool:

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Yes, I meant the blue sections. I should have been more clear.

No worries, I thought that's what you meant, just wanted to make sure so I didn't change something you liked and left something amiss. ;)

Any parts of the blue text that you specifically dislike? I changed the Rivendell one, shortened it and changed the wording, I myself noticed that it was overly long, boring, and useless. Anything else? Thanks!:cool:

Good Work!

IMO, we need more stuff like this online.

If we could compile more good quality stuff (like this and the stuff coming from the unofficial LOTR RPG design studio), it would definetly be worth posting it on a separate site, for quick and easy reference.

Keep it up, and thanks for the nod in the acknowledgements!!!

L :D

Okay, finally go the thing to download - don't know what my problem was. Read it over. Here is what I think-

Overall, I think that it is a great start to an adventure. I like the background information given to the Narrator is great. The more the Narrator knows about the inner workings of the situation, the better. It helps set the tone for the Narrator, which helps him set the tone for the other players. It also helps the Narrator fill in information when the PC’s do things that are not part of the “story”, and the Narrator wants to make sure these additions fit the plot as best as possible.

I like the blue text. I did not find that is was jarringly unTolkien.

I would like some expansion at this point though. The blue text says: “You traveled many leagues across the Ettenmoors” and on until “you did not happen upon any obstacles to your progress”. I think that this makes the great journey go by too quickly. This may just be Narrator’s taste though. Certainly I think that there is something to be said for quickly moving the story along and getting to the meet of the story, but there is also something to be said for making the PC’s FEEL the journey.

Instead of writing in a bunch of stuff to happen to them, I would suggest that you make a “Narrator’s Note” box. Here you could briefly discuss the different styles of story telling (long journey v short journey) and provide a list of half a dozen “adventure points” of one to three sentences each describing things that could happen to the PC should the Narrator want to make a bigger deal of the journey. Sometimes I like random encounter tables, sometimes I do not, and that is why I would go for a simple list for the Narrator to choose as many or as few events as he wants. It might be best if one or two of them could have some indirect significance to the quest. On the other hand, sometimes “random” things do happen to you that impact the adventure.

You describe the hazard of falling into the cold water. I might go a little further with it. I was recommended reading some survival web sites on the matter. I did. You might be able to glean some additional health risks of having a water-drenched body in the frozen wastes. Have you ever read Jack London’s short story “To Build a Fire”? If you have not, see if you can locate it. You can find it online at the following link, if it works:

To Build a Fire

http://www.kingkong.demon.co.uk/gsr/fire.htm

It is about a man who is traveling in the frozen wilderness alone and falls through thin ice and all the trouble he has because of it. Would the PC’s have to carry wood with them? You might talk about what exactly it takes to get dry. I would say something about frostbite too. Make walking around with wet clothes a bit more dangerous than just he cold modifier (which I like, by the way).

I want to know more about the ring of stones? Are there inscriptions on them? What was their original purpose? Who built them? I am guessing that this is somewhat like stone hinge. Was this for sacrifice, or maybe an astronomical observatory? Was it built during the time of Angmar, or do these stones even predate its founding? If that is the case than they could have been corrupted by the Witch-King, or maybe ruined by him. I am sure that the players will ask what they find around here and try to put together what exactly it is. Even if the purpose of the structure or anything about it cannot be discovered – this is just too neat a location not to describe in greater detail. With the description of the physical cold and the spiritual cold, something has to be going on with these stones. So, inside the stone ring it is physically warmer than outside? That is neat – might trivet the players a place to rest and recuperate. BUT it is spiritually cold. The PC’s would have to find a way to dispel that before they could find true rest.

I did see two typos. On page four, second column “successfully” is spelled “successfullu”. Also page 2 top of second column says “It was long afterwards taht” instead of “that”. Very minor both of those.

I wish I had seen the picture version of this. Maybe when you have it exactly the way you want it you can make a text only version and then a very nice layout version. I would certainly like that.

Like I said in the beginning, I really like it and am looking forward to seeing the rest of the installments. I think that this could be bulked out to make a grand chronicle.

Oh, and one last thing – thank you very much for mentioning me in the acknowledgments. I was shocked when I read it. You could separate my name to Gavynn Alexander, something I did not do on my user handle (I guess I just was not thinking about using spaces!)

Of course, I have done one of the things that I hate – that is reviewing something without playing it. So who knows exactly how it will go when you are actually playing it. I would certainly consider having my group playing it, and will let you know the results if and when that happens. Thank you VERY for sharing your hard work. I am sure that is will bring fun to the tabletops of several gamers now.

Catch you later,

Gavynn


To Build a Fire

Thank you both, Leardinoth and GavynnAlexander, for your reviews! That gives me a huge amount of material to think about!

Gavynn: I've been thinking, this could turn out to be a really big chronicle! I was thinking I'd just make a short one, but now that I think about it, the Ring of Barahir is a really solid story element, and there are many, many threats to face on the journey.

What happened was this: I was reading the Return of the King's appendix and thought up this story, and then the next day as I was thinking about the interesting complications that the cold of the North would create, Leardinoth posted about avalanches! So I immediately was enthralled with the idea of the cold being a major feature in the chronicle. Also, I thought of a Stonehenge scene with Wolves, a meeting with the Lossoth, a scene with a Ice Giant, and a big battle with Angmar. But there could also be fights with phantoms and fell beasts, and perhaps bandits, orcs, trolls, and so on in the Ettenmoors (like you pointed out, lots of opportunities for conflict in this region, but I was so enthralled with the North that I wanted to get to the Icy part quickly :D).

Thanks for the ideas about the Stonehenge place (yep, Stonehenge is what I had in mind when I made the scene), I meant to flesh it out a good deal more but I didn't get around to it! So I think I'll write up some more backstory for that!

I'm also thinking it might be a good idea to switch from "Read the following: Your party travels over a barren wasteland, and..." type thing to more of a "Describe the emptiness of the barren wasteland thus...", I think it'd be a lot easier on me and it would make the chronicle much more free-flowing (so it won't seem as constricting). There are good and bad things to be said about constriction... Barahir's Ring seems rather constricted to me, which is pretty good for the beginner who isn't quite sure how to narrate and needs lots of help (heck, I'm a beginning narrator), whereas Brandir's The Bringer of Gifts was a little too loose-flowing at parts, I wasn't sure how to narrate it too well. So maybe if I give a lot of resources and suggestions but not strict "say this" it'd be best.

So yes, this could become quite a large adventure! I have to decide though, how big it's going to eventually be... school is starting Monday, I don't know how busy I'll be. I'll see what I can do. :cool:

When can we expect to see the second part of Barahir's Ring? Just curious how the work is coming along :cool:

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Originally posted by Alathriel
When can we expect to see the second part of Barahir's Ring? Just curious how the work is coming along :cool:

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Actually I just posted! But unfortunately the title said "oops, mess-up" or something, so I don't blame you in the least for not seeing it. :)

Here it is reposted (hang in there with me :D):

I should (that's should, not will ;)) be done with the second half of Barahir's Ring shortly. I have finished redoing the first half (it actually has a quite a major overhaul in it's layout, which I hope is for the better).

Sorry for the extra wait! It was kind of like I had all these thoughts and just wrote up the first half in three days, posted it, and thought "Oh, another three days will see the second half complete as well", but that was quite far from the truth. I wasn't exactly sure how to give the information on how to roleplay the discussions (heck, I might have it all wrong still :D), school started (homeschooling that is, but it's still called school of course), and we went on vacation, so it came to a rather abrupt halt.

Actually, I'm going on another vacation for a few days, so it won't be up for, say, a week at least. But it looks like all I've got left is fleshing out Scene 5 and putting it in order. Both Scene 4 and Scene 5 consist of a hefty deal of roleplaying, and that's definitely not my strong-point: give me some numbers to crunch and that'll keep me happy!:D But of course, the Lord of the Rings is really all about the roleplaying, and this chronicle seemed to have some interesting characters to roleplay, so I had to go through the difficult process.

So, hopefully within a week and a half the whole thing should be up for your comments and criticism! I'm expecting a lot of the latter, as I really have no idea how well the roleplaying scenes will look.;)

And then after that I can work on the version with pictures... whew. Not sure if I'll get around to that till, like, Christmas or something.:D

Thanks for waiting patiently guys, I really am looking forward to hearing your comments, in an excited/scared sort of way. :)